


Week Two

by katrinawritesthings



Series: Moving Day au [2]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual, Brotp, Fluff, M/M, Multi, NB, Nonbinary, Other, Polyamory, taemplants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-22 01:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10687173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katrinawritesthings/pseuds/katrinawritesthings
Summary: aka the moving day epilogue that somehow turned into three partsaaka window shopping and gender problems and self-esteem issues ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗKey curls themself possessively around Taeyeon the second they walk into the hair salon and almost everyone starts clamoring to meet the babe they’ve heard so much about. After ten minutes Jinki is sent into the Hot Topic bathroom to check on them only to find Jonghyun pressing Taeyeon up against the wall and marking a new hickey into her neck. They all find Choi gently rubbing her shoulders through a panic attack in the caramel aisle of the chocolate store. Jinki finds his elbow being latched onto with small hands when her two datefriends start their usual bickering over which tacky knick-knacks to add to their collection this time.tumblrso tw for gender problems and also some mentions of past abuse





	1. Chapter 1

“Mmmmm. Jinki.” **  
**

“Yes?”

“Are they here yet?”

“No.”

“Mmmmgh. What about now?”

“No.”

“Now?”

“Nope.”

“How about--”

“Jonghyun.”

 _“What?”_ Jonghyun hisses, slapping his hands down aggressively on the picnic table. Jinki cocks a brow at him from the other side.

“Chill,” he says, and Jonghyun huffs. It turns into a sigh, and then a groan, and then a tiny whine as Jonghyun deflates and rests his head on his hands.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I’m just. Nervous.”

“I know, pup,” Jinki says, reaching over to pet Jonghyun’s head genty. “They’ll be here soon.” The only reason the others aren’t here yet is because Jonghyun made Jinki leave early this morning. They got to The Midpoint twenty minutes before they usually do, which is ten minutes before Choi and Key usually do. Jinki told him this would happen, and yet here they are anyway, Jonghyun twitchy and anxious for the first sign of the other three. Or, more specifically, for the first sign of Taeyeon. The other two he’s used to seeing more than once every who knows how long.

“It would help if you would, like, actually face the parking lot,” Jinki says, gesturing behind Jonghyun at the little group of cars on the other side of the big fountain. That’s where they all usually park before they eat and then walk around the outdoor mall every weekend. Jonghyun shakes his head and whines again.

“I’d be up every five seconds thinking I’d seen them,” he says. Jinki snorts. That is true. He continues petting Jonghyun’s hair, ruffling by his ears, running his fingers lightly over the floof that’s grown out from his undercut since the last time he got a trim. He would suggest getting another, but he knows that Jonghyun loves playing with it when it’s at this length the most. Next week he’ll offer to fix it up for him. For now he just watches the parking lot for Jonghyun, answering his less frequent but still often inquiries as to whether or not the other three are here yet.

It’s during one of those questions that a little leaf flutters down from a tree and falls into Jonghyun’s hair. Jinki looks down to pluck it out gently, humming a tired “no” to Jonghyun’s pouty voice. He flicks the leaf away and looks up again just in time to see Choi’s blue little prius pulling into a parking space.

Huh.

Key gets out from the back first, then Choi, and then Taeyeon, bright and bouncy in her dark clothes and looking around the place with wonder. Jinki smiles. She’s looking so much better from last week. He catches Choi and Key playing rock-paper-scissors for the job of carrying the sodas like usual; Key wins, like usual. They link their arm with Taeyeon and leave Choi there with a smug little smirk. Jinki lifts his arm to wave, laughing softly at the enthusiasm of Taeyeon’s return wave, and that’s when Jonghyun asks again.

“Are they here yet?” he says, voice small and muffled into his elbow. Jinki chooses not to reply as the other two get closer. He just lifts his free finger to his lips to let Key and Taeyeon know to be quiet when they approach. At his silence, Jonghyun wiggles. “Jinki?” he asks, and then raises his head with a little frown. “Are they--?” he frowns more and turns, just in time for Taeyeon to come to a stop right behind him. He pauses, looks up, and then shrieks.

“You’re here!” he exclaims, banging his knee three whole times trying to get off of the bench seat. He doesn’t even acknowledge it as he finally stands and throws his arms around Taeyeon’s neck. “You’re here, you’re here, you’re here, my lovely and wonderful little cantaloupe, mmmm.” He bounces in her arms and nuzzles her neck. She smiles, giddy and amused and so wide it threatens to break open her face, arms falling loosely around Jonghyun’s waist.

“I’m here,” she says, nuzzling the side of Jonghyun’s head.

“You’re here,” Jonghyun repeats in a whisper. He presses even closer with the happiest little noise. Taeyeon presses a kiss to his hair, turns her smile to Jinki and nods a greeting.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey,” Jinki grins back. He says it again to Key, who waves back lazily. There’s a little sniffle from Taeyeon’s neck; Jinki rolls his eyes. Of course the little dingle is all emotional about it. Taeyeon laughs and leans back a fraction.

“Jonghyun,” she says incredulously, putting a finger under his chin. Jonghyun just leans up and kisses her in reply.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers. Jinki shakes his head fondly. Five more weeks like this, at least, if he’s following the same path he did with Choi. When Jonghyun pulls back from Taeyeon, he wipes his eyes and looks blearily around. “Gwi,” he mumbles, and shuffles over to hug them too. “I missed you too,” he squeaks, nuzzling them all over. Key pushes some of Jonghyun’s hair out of their face.

“Okay. Alright. You’re so strong for someone so small, holy shit,” they say, ruffling Jonghyun’s hair but also putting a hand on his wrist. “I missed you too, you fucking walnut.” Jonghyun squeezes them even tighter for a second before letting go.

“Sor--ooooohhhh,” he breathes. His apology is cut off midway by Choi strolling up, six pack of sodas in one hand and phone in the other. Jonghyun drifts to them, getting to his tiptoes to wrap around their neck instead. “Minho, my space, my love,” he sighs. “You’re so tall and good.” He trails off with more little compliments mumbled into Choi’s neck. Choi blinks at the sudden affection, but wraps an arm around Jonghyun’s waist anyway. They lean down to press a soft kiss to his cheek, then whisper something that Jinki can’t catch into his ear. Whatever it is, it has Jonghyun humming long again and burying his pink face in their chest.

“Oh my god,” he whispers. Choi smirks and pushes him gently to sit back down. They sit on his right, Taeyeon sinking down on his left. Jonghyun immediately wraps his arms around her waist and nuzzles her shoulder, smile as big as his face. “You’re here,” he whispers again. Jinki snorts as he reaches for one of the orange sodas that Choi brought over. Key does as well, and takes a seat next to Jinki like usual.

“I never thought he could get even more mushy,” they say, nudging his side. Jinki snorts again in agreement. It’s cute, though.

“Is he like this every week?” Taeyeon asks, swirling her fingers through the floof at the back of Jonghyun’s head. She looks exasperated already, like she can’t believe her boyfriend is so emotional about this. Jinki can absolutely believe it.

“You get used to it,” Key shrugs. Jinki nods. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

“Imagine living with him full time,” he says, and grins when Jonghyun looks up to shoot him a little glare.

“Living with me is a delight,” he grumbles. Jinki reaches over to boop his nose.

“It is,” he agrees. An emotional, weepy delight. “Real talk, though,” he says, “he’s not really always. He’s just happy to see you.”

“Soooo happy,” Jonghyun sighs. Taeyeon sighs back in a fond way and lets her arm fall around his waist. One of Jonghyun’s hands reaches behind him to pap around for Choi’s hand, which he finds and holds tightly as well. “You too, Minjunggie,” he hums. Between two of his babes, he looks like the happiest clam in the world. It makes Jinki smile to see.

“Food?” Taeyeon asks then, one little hand creeping towards the picnic basket Jinki and Jonghyun brought. Jinki nods. He tugs it over and opens it up.

“Peanut butter cracker sandwiches and oranges and parfaits,” he says, taking each little bundle out. He and Jonghyun spent a lot of time on those parfaits and they need to be appreciated. Taeyeon swipes an orange greedily before anyone else can reach for anything and wiggles her thumbnail into the peel to get it off. Jinki watches her with interest as he pulls a few cracker sandwiches closer himself.

“So how was your first week of _freedom?_ ” he asks, wiggling his fingers for emphasis. “You doing okay?” She’s been texting him on and off all week, filling his phone with sparkly emojis and memes at two in the morning, but he wants details straight from her mouth. Jonghyun nuzzles her as well, nodding in agreement with Jinki’s question. The smile that she gives both of them is positively radiant.

“Every passing second only brings me closer to the dark void of my parents discovering me and I’ve had nightmares every night this week and if I’m left alone with my thoughts for more than five minutes I start having a panic attack and I am never no less than one vaguely familiar face in a crowd away from a breakdown at any given time,” she says. “But besides all of that, I’m fucking fantastic.” Her eyes sparkle with light and wonder even as Jonghyun makes a worried noise and rubs at her chest.

“I wanted an afternoon snack the other day and I just… got up and got one and no one judged me,” she says. “Two days ago I told Choi I didn’t want to be around people and they left me alone?” She runs her fingers through her hair in disbelief. “I dropped a piece of popcorn on the floor one time and Gwiboonie didn’t even? Say anything?”

“Not true,” Key says. A tiny smile is tugging up their lips. “I called you cute and touched your butt when you bent over to pick it up.”

“Yeah, but,” Taeyeon says, a soft laugh falling from her lips. “You didn’t, like, scoff at me, or mutter under your breath about how incompetent I am, or sigh really passive-aggressively for the next hour, or… anything normal.”

“That’s not….” Jinki says slowly. That’s not normal behavior at all. But, he knows that Taeyeon knows that. It’s just what was normal for _her._ He covers himself with a smile before he’s silent for so long that it’s noticed. “That’s not a bad first week,” he grins. Taeyeon nods brightly, cheeks all round and eyes little crescents. Adorable.

“And today,” she says, “Choi says they’re gonna get me a new laptop so I don’t have to keep sharing Gwiboonie’s.” She looks positively giddy as she eats her first slice of orange. Jinki gasps softly. Nice. She _needs_ that privacy to be her own. And this means that Jinki will have an excuse to watch all of the cool little marble slide machines in the electronics store while they’re looking. Extra nice.

The rest of their picnic brunch is nice as well, full of talks and giggles and catching up. Even with Taeyeon’s new presence it feels just as familiar as usual. She fits right in next to Jonghyun, across from Key, an easy lean’s distance from Choi, and an arm’s reach away from giving Jinki a high five for every shitty pun they come up with together. Her laughter is breathy and her additions thoughtful and Jinki has no problem seeing her become a regular fixture in their group.

When they finish their meal, Jinki takes the picnic stuff to his car and then strolls back to their table. The other four are all fixing themselves up to start their usual walk up and down the street, slipping in and out of shops, grabbing snacks, spending time with each other. Jonghyun is pressed firmly against Taeyeon’s side with Choi’s arm around his waist; Jinki shares an amused look with Key. Neither of them are getting their cute datefriends today. He finds it hard to be disappointed at the loss of one day out of a whole week and just stuffs his hands into his pockets, rocking back and forth on his toes.

“Where to first?” he asks. He waits for Jonghyun and Choi to start disagreeing and prepares himself to be the conflict solver like usual since Key can’t make a choice to save their ass; what happens instead is Taeyeon lifts her free hand to rub her ear.

“I wanna get my ears pierced,” she says thoughtfully. Key gasps dramatically; Jonghyun’s eyes grow wide and excited. Taeyeon glances between both of them with a sheepish little smile. “Like, I think,” she says quietly. “One, two… maybe three.” She pokes her lobe, then a little further up, and then in the upper conch of her ear. At that one, Jonghyun hisses.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. “That’s more complicated than a helix and I took my helix out after a while because it was too much trouble.” He rubs the top of his ear worriedly. Jinki nods. He remembers that, the whining, the soreness, the even less sleep. It wasn’t worth the cute spheres of color in the tops of his ears. Key scoffs, though, and shakes their head.

“A helix isn’t a conch,” they say. “Mine really wasn’t that bad, Tae. It was really fun while I had it.” _While they had it._ That was years ago, if Jinki is remembering correctly. Before they even knew Taeyeon. The little pink unicorns in their ears were cute, yeah, but Jinki can’t even see the little hole scars anymore.

“Yeah, why don’t you still have it then?” Jonghyun snoots, like he was having the same thoughts as Jinki. Key huffs again.

“Because my style changed and I got the forward helix instead,” they say defensively. Jinki snorts at their tone. That’s totally shady.

“Okay, well,” Jinki says before Jonghyun can snoot back. “She can get the lobe piercings first and then think more about the conch until next week.” Funny how even with a clear destination he’s still the conflict guy. He likes it. It’s familiar. “Right, Taeyeon?” he asks, nudging her side for help. She glances at him, glances between the other two, and grins, amused.

“Yeah,” she agrees. “I wanted to see how I felt about the two lobes before I got another one anyway.” She lets her arm fall back around Jonghyun’s shoulders and ruffles the very top of his head to soothe his grumpy comment before it even comes out of his mouth. Jinki can visibly see him relax and raises a brow at Choi, who’s smiling a smug little grin themself. Of course they taught her that trick immediately.

“Good idea,” Key agrees with a shrug. After a moment of an unsure hum, Jonghyun shrugs as well.

“Yeah,” he concedes. “So, either way. To Amber’s!” He points down the sidewalk as dramatically as his voice and starts a march, tugging Taeyeon with him and trying to tug Choi; Choi stays rooted and grabs his sleeve collar. Jonghyun stops and turns with a little frown. “What?” he asks. Choi just points behind them with their thumb, towards the opposite end of the mall.

“Wrong way,” Jinki hums, Key smothering a snort into the back of their hand. Jonghyun kind of just stands there for a moment, squinting down the road, glancing behind him, catching all of their amused eyes and quickly looking away. Then he takes a brave breath and immediately starts marching the right way.

“To Amber’s!” he says again, with even more bravado this time. Taeyeon’s loud laughter leads their group down the sidewalk.

At Amber’s, Jonghyun pulls the door open and flounces into the parlor, swinging Taeyeon’s hand up high.

“Hello, we are here,” he sings, twirling himself into Taeyeon’s chest and wrapping her arms around him with fluttery eyelashes. Jinki shakes his head fondly as he holds the door open for the other two. He’s so dramatic. Taeyeon giggles into his hair, though, and squeezes him closer. At one of the chairs, Luna looks up from inking a design into someone’s forearm; she smiles bright and waves a greeting at them before turning back to her work. Behind the counter, Amber lets out a short bark of laughter.

“Another one?” they ask, propping their chin in their hand and looking Taeyeon up and down. Taeyeon looks away shyly but Jonghyun nods eagerly, tugging her up to the desk and nuzzling her shoulder.

“My sweet and lovely and marvelous little sugar plum,” he beams. “Taeyeonnie. The cutest girlfriend in the world.” He bounces on his toes and presses a little kiss to the pink of Taeyeon’s cheek while Taeyeon hisses an embarrassed “oh my fucking god” into her hand. Amber snorts, reaching over to muss up Jonghyun’s hair.

“Obviously that’s a lie,” they say. “When the cutest girlfriend in the world is actually over there.” They point with their thumb at Luna, who takes a second between switching ink colors to throw Amber a thankful wink. Jonghyun huffs, turning up his nose in mock offense. Key slips behind Taeyeon and rests their chin on her shoulder with a smug little smile.

“She’s mine too,” they hum, wrapping their arm around her waist. Taeyeon looks warmed by their quiet affection, her hand coming to cover theirs on her stomach. Amber shakes their head fondly.

“Well, is she just here to meet me or did you actually want something?” they ask, cocking a brow when they speak directly to Taeyeon. Taeyeon starts, blinks, smooths away a flustered grin with the back of her hand.

“I, uh,” she says. “I wanna get my ears pierced.” She taps the two spots on her right lobe to demonstrate. “Here and here.”

“And only there, for now,” Jinki adds before any bickering starts up again. He comes up to rest his chin on Jonghyun’s head with a lazy smile that Amber grins back at. He knows that they know how these two can get about their tiny disagreements.

“Okay, well,” they say. “Take her to pick out which starter rings she wants, and I’ll get a chair ready. Regular price but I’ll knock off five bucks because she’s cute.” They give Taeyeon a quick wink that has her suddenly smiling with much more confidence even as Key huffs and tugs her closer possessively. Jinki turns to find the wall of simple ear jewelry, joining Choi in their search for cute colors.

Fifteen minutes and some of the usual gossip later, they all step out of the parlor and back into the sidewalk. Taeyeon actually has six new piercings: three in each lobe, all letters, all black with silver outlines. Two Js, two Ks, and two Cs. Every time Jinki sees the letter he shares with Jonghyun he has to fight to keep his smile from getting too big for his face.

They go to the scarf shop next. They go to the sock store, the baking store, the sweet factory, the tacky tourist knick-knack shop; they pull Taeyeon into every building and show her every little thing that they’ve picked up on over the years they’ve spent together here. They take her everywhere and she soaks it all up, eager to learn everything she’s been missing out on for so long.

Choi beckons her to the back of the third shelf of the baking store to show her the rows of flower cookie cutters, the leaf-themed measuring set, the entire section of cute plant things. Jinki shows her his favorite little hidey spot in the back of the half-price bookstore where they can smush themselves into piles of beanbag chairs and read in comfort. Key stays firmly rooted on the ground but guides her up the sprawling treehouses in the middle plaza just to take far too many pics on their phone. Jonghyun tugs her all around the grunge clothes shop and picks out a whole outfit from everything that he’s been dying to see her in for years.

Key curls themself possessively around Taeyeon the second they walk into the hair salon and almost everyone starts clamoring to meet the babe they’ve heard so much about. After ten minutes Jinki is sent into the Hot Topic bathroom to check on them only to find Jonghyun pressing Taeyeon up against the wall and marking a new hickey into her neck. They all find Choi gently rubbing her shoulders through a panic attack in the caramel aisle of the chocolate store. Jinki finds his elbow being latched onto with small hands when her two datefriends start their usual bickering over which tacky knick-knacks to add to their collection this time.

It’s all of these little things, little moments, quick interactions, that pull Taeyeon closer to them. The plan for today, besides hanging out and window shopping like usual, was to make Taeyeon feel as included into their group as humanly possible. Jinki thinks they’ve done that and more. Right now, as they’re walking over the cobbled street, Taeyeon closes her eyes and leans her head on Key’s shoulder, smiling softly at the sun as she lets them lead her. Right now Jinki thinks she feels more welcome and more cared for and more loved than she ever has before. He’s proud.

“Tired?” Key asks softly, the fondest smile on their lips as they brush a strand of Taeyeon’s hair out of her face. Taeyeon hums, nuzzling Key’s shoulder. They walk under the shadow of a small tree and she blinks her eyes open to smile at it.

“Hungry,” she murmurs.

“Adorable,” Jonghyun pouts, taking her hand and bringing it back to kiss her fingers. She laughs softly and runs her fingers through his hair, then leans back even further to look at Jinki and Choi.

“Hi,” she smiles, poking Jinki gently and wiggling her finger at Choi. Jinki grins, poking her finger back.

“Hey,” he says. Choi reaches over and boops her nose. She giggles, turning back to nuzzle Key.

“Hungry, Gwiboonie,” she says again. Key pets her hair and points a few stores up the sidewalk in the direction they’re already walking on.

“Lunch is just up there,” they say. The other three nod. It’s been a few hours and it’s getting close to their usual lunchtime anyway. Jinki’s stomach is getting kind of rumbly. “Oh, but,” Key says, more loud than the gentle murmur voice they’ve been using. They slow but don’t stop, easing themself out of Taeyeon’s hold and looking shifty. “Lunch is, um,” they say. “We split up for lunch.” They look between the other three for help explaining; Jinki nods, remembering the little detail suddenly.

“You’re gonna have lunch with just me and Choi, Taeyeon,” he says putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently. Choi puts their hand on her other shoulder invitingly as well. Taeyeon looks conflicted; pleased at the thought of lunch with the two of them but confused as to why she can’t eat with her babes too.

“Why, um,” she says slowly. “Why?”

“It’s just a thing Gwi and I need,” Jonghyun says, curling his arm around Jinki’s elbow. “Just, the two of us, us time. To talk about shit alone. You know?” Jinki nods, glancing at Choi as he does so. It’s their alone time as well, though for them it’s usually spent chilling in silence in the music store. It’s still just as important as what Jonghyun and Key do together.

“I… oh,” Taeyeon says. “I mean. Okay.” She chews on her bottom lip for a second, then shakes her head and then nods firmly. “Yeah, I’m good,” she says. She waves off any concerns before they get voiced. “Makes sense.” She nods again, as if to reassure everyone that she’s good. Jonghyun smiles and takes her hand again to kiss. “Oh, but, um,” she says suddenly. This time it’s her that wiggles her hand away and looks shifty. “It’s… there, right?” she asks, pointing at the little coffee shop just ahead of them now.

“Mmhmm,” Jonghyun hums.

“Okay, well, then, before that,” Taeyeon says, and comes to a slow stop right at the edge of the building. “Um.” She looks around at all of them, swallows, shakes her head, and moves passed Key to lean up against the wall. “Um,” she says again. Jonghyun leans up next to her, Choi on her other side, both radiating calm. Jinki steps closer as well so he’s next to Key and not blocking people on the sidewalk.

“Take your time,” Choi signs. Taeyeon squints at their hands; they sign it again, slower this time, and she nods, understanding.

“Yeah, um. Um.” She runs her fingers through her hair and takes several deep breaths. Key takes her hand to hold and Jonghyun starts petting her hair instead. After another moment, she takes a deeper, more steady breath. “I don’t… think… _she_ is working for me,” she mumbles. She looks up with nervous eyes. “Like… the pronouns, or, being called a girl.”

“Ooohhh, babe,” Key says gently. They cup Taeyeon’s face with their free hand and rub their thumb over Taeyeon’s cheekbone soothingly. “That’s okay, it’s nothing to feel guilty about.” They fix Taeyeon’s bangs and tuck a longer piece of hair away. “Do you want us to use ‘they,’ at least until we figure this out?” they ask. “Is ‘Taeyeon’ still okay for now?” Taeyeon swallows thickly.

“I think… yeah, okay,” they say. Jinki leans up against the wall beside Jonghyun.

“Is it because you’re not _used_ to them?” Jonghyun asks. “Or because they just feel _wrong?_ ” He holds their hand in both of his, squeezing gently. “Because, when I first started using ‘he’ and everything, it took me a while to get used to it. And I thought I was faking, or, like, not trans enough, because I kept misgendering myself and accidentally deadnaming myself, and… yeah.” Jinki puts a comforting hand on his waist. He remembers that. It was a tougher time for Jonghyun more than anyone else. Taeyeon hums uncertainly, staring at the ground between everyone’s shoes.

“They feel wrong,” they say firmly. Then they look up with hesitant eyes. “But,” they say. “Yesterday, they felt so _right_.” They rub their cheeks with their free hand and a heavy sigh. Ahh. That kind of makes sense to Jinki.

“Didn't you say,” he starts, “you felt like you were genderfluid?” He’s not the fluid kind of nonbinary himself, but he feels like that’s one of the ways it can work.

“I mean,” Taeyeon says. “I’m not sure?” They sigh heavily and lean their head against Key’s shoulder. When they start mumbling to the ground Jinki shuffles forward more to hear better. “I don’t _know_ , like, before it would always either be just. Varying degrees between ‘yeah, I guess I’m kind of a dude right now’ and ‘holy shit I am not a fucking dude at all.’ And I always just assumed that ‘not a boy’ meant ‘a girl’ because, I don’t know, twenty-three years of crushing cisnormativity and extremely limited face-to face gender experimentation? Or whatever. And I always wanted to feel, like, pretty and cute and she pronouns always sounded so nice in theory, so I figured I just floated between, like, demiboy and girl, but now, I don’t… know.

“Like… I still wanna be cute and pretty,” Taeyeon says. “And I definitely felt like a girl earlier. But now I don’t. I don’t wanna--I’m not a girl. Right now. And, like, yeah, I guess that makes sense that I’m fluid and I just… fluided away from that gender feel, but… Now I don’t know _what_ I am.” That last part comes out as a distressed whine. Jonghyun coos a quiet noise into their hair, mumbles little sweet nothings meant to soothe rather than actually advise. Taeyeon groans quietly and leans back to rest their head against the wall. “I’m not a girl,” they mumble. “And I know _she_ pronouns aren’t _girl_ pronouns and all of that but. They still _feel_ like it and they feel wrong. I can’t, like, make the disconnect in my brain. And I’ve been thinking, since the clothes shop, and, like. He pronouns don’t feel right either. Neither do they, really, and neither do, like, any that I can think of off of the top of my head.” They raise their hands to their head to grip and tug their hair lightly.

“All of it feels… just... wrong,” they whine. “ _She_ feels like I’m calling myself a girl. They, ve, it, xir, spivak, ne, no pronouns… all of these feel like. Like I’m saying that my gender right now _is_ neutral, or agender, or, just, that it _is_ something that I can define. Like, that’s what they’re linked to in my brain.” They rub their forehead with a sigh. “Every time I think of them I think of just. Screenshots of trans resource websites given to me on off-record chats to study in secret with lists of gender-neutral pronouns. But I’m not that. I’m not neutral. And I know that any pronouns can be used for any gender, but I can’t just stop feeling how they make me feel. I can’t unlearn that shit in a week. And it doesn’t even matter if none of them match what I feel if I don’t even know what I feel like in the first place.”

“I’m not making any sense,” they sigh after all of that. Their close their eyes, breathing slowly towards the sky. Choi squeezes their shoulder comfortingly.

“Yeah,” Jinki mumbles in agreement. He gets some of it, but not all, and there are technicalities and details and questions that he’s sure they don’t have the slightest idea how to explain. “But, uh,” he says quickly, when Key shoots him an incredulous little glare and he realizes he’s taken too long to follow up. “Look,” he says, dropping his chin onto Jonghyun’s shoulder. “You can’t even figure this shit out for yourself. You don’t _need_ to explain it all to us.”

“Ye,” Jonghyun says, voice small. “We don’t need to understand to help.”

“It took me six years to figure my gender stuff out completely,” Choi signs after tapping Taeyeon’s shoulder for attention. Jinki nods. Good point. That was a whole long process and Jinki had only been there for a little more than half of it.

“Do you wanna sit here and brainstorm for a little bit?” Key asks gently. Taeyeon looks at all of them, gratitude in their eyes but defeat in their frown.

“I want… to not deal with this,” they mumble. “It’s too stressful, can I just.” They shake their head and rub their hands over their face. “Can I just say my gender is leaf for now?” they ask. “I wanna be a leaf. I wanna be cute and fluttery and smell nice and… not have to have an existential gender crisis on my first weekend out with my new family.” They move their hands to settle on their cheeks. “I can do that, right?” they ask hesitantly.

“Absolutely you can do that,” Key says firmly. They cover Taeyeon’s hands with theirs. “Your gender is whatever the fuck makes you feel comfortable.”

“Being a leaf makes me feel comfortable,” Taeyeon mumbles. “Leaf… leaf gender, no… no pronouns. Or--fuck, leaf pronouns. Or… petal? Hrm.” They wiggle Key’s hands off and play with their fingers, twisting and squeezing. “Petals are cute. Petal...self. Pet--petself? No, that’s. Mmm. Petal… something feels off.”

“Two syllables?” Jinki suggests. He knows Taeyeon was talking to themself there, but that’s what feels off to him. He’s used to one syllable pronouns and two syllables feel weird in his mouth without a little time to get used to them first. Taeyeon gasps, snaps dramatically, and points at him.

“That’s it,” they say. Then they pout. “Dang,” they say. Jinki exhales softly in amusement.

“So….” Choi signs, hand drifting into Taeyeon’s line of view. “None or leaf for you?” they ask.

“Did that mean leaf?” Taeyeon asks, watching Choi’s hands drop. “The sign for that is so cute, oh my god,” they whisper, eyes round. Choi pauses, then grins, even smugger than usual. “I wanna use leaf pronouns, yeah,” Taeyeon says, an actual smile finally starting to pull up leafs lips as leaf turns to the rest of them. Jonghyun hums, a happy noise, and presses a little kiss to leafs cheek.

“My beautiful and adorable little foliage basket,” he chirps. Taeyeon makes a soft noise and covers leafs face with a hand.

“Fuckie,” leaf whispers, clenching leafs hand tightly in front of leafself. “What was it you called me before?” leaf asks, lowering leafs hand to take Jonghyun’s and squeeze it. “Plum blossom? Peach blossom?”

“Sugar plum,” Jonghyun corrects.

“Oh,” Taeyeon says. Leaf puffs up leafs lips for a second. “Can you call me Peach Blossom anyway?” leaf asks. “Or, Peach. Like, as a name.” Leafs hand squeezes and lets go of Jonghyun’s several times, leafs other hand clenching on air at leafs side. “Taeyeon and Taemin and even just Tae feel too… like....” Leaf trails off with a puff of breath, a frustrated frown at the ground.

“Gendered?” Key offers.

“Yeah,” Taeyeon says, perking up. “I know they’re not, technically, but, like. They are.” Leaf mumbles that part awkwardly but everyone still nods. Knowing something and feeling it are two vastly different things that they all understand. “Peach blossoms, though,” Taeyeon says. “They’re really cute flowers. And not associated with gender in any way in my brain. And peaches taste _so good.”_ Leaf kind of stares off into space as leaf says that, teeth digging into leafs bottom lip. Jinki shrugs.

“I don’t know,” he says. He could never bring himself to like them. “They have a weird texture on the inside.”

“Listen, if you bit into _me_ I’m sure _I_ would have a weird texture on the inside too,” Taeyeon says, reaching over to poke him with a cocked brow. Jinki snorts, letting it turn into surprised laughter against Jonghyun’s shirt. Holy shit.

“I mean, good point,” he says. That is a very true statement. “Peach Blossom it is.”

“Peach Blossom,” Jonghyun repeats, nuzzling the name into Peach’s neck.

“Peach Blossom,” Choi signs fondly. They all turn to look at Key; Key rolls their eyes but can’t hide a smile.

“I’m not saying it a fourth time in a row,” they say. “But, hey.” They fix Peach’s hair, straighten leafs collar, and smooth out leafs jacket. “You’re cute.”

“Oh.” Peach grins, smiles, beams, hides it behind leaf’s fist. “Thanks.” Leaf straightens up, looks around at everyone, and takes a deep, steadying breath. “I’m still hungry,” they announce.

There’s a short pause; then Jinki snorts very unattractively and giggles into Jonghyun’s shoulder. Choi chuckles as well, a blessing of a sound, and Key shakes their head fondly. Jonghyun clings to Peach’s arm and nuzzles a little smile into leafs neck.

“Okay then,” he says. “Lunchtime.” He slips a hand up to the back of Peach’s head to tug leaf into a slow kiss, and then another, and then two more before Jinki rolls his eyes and pulls him away before they just start making out in the middle of the sidewalk. He saw Peach’s hand creeping down to touch the butt. Jonghyun blushes but licks his lips and keeps his hand linked with Peach’s. “Um,” he says, feeling around with his other hand for Key’s wrist. “See you in a bit?” His voice rises like he’s not sure how to do this thing that he’s never done before. Jinki pats his shoulder and moves so he can stand with Choi on Peach’s other side.

“Have a nice lunch,” he says. Choi nods and puts their hands on Peach’s shoulders pleasantly. Peach glances back at both of them, then at leafs two datefriends, and nods.

“Yeah, um,” leaf says. “Yeah.”

“Okay,” Key says, taking Jonghyun’s hand and wiggling his other away from Peach’s. “Bye babe, and other babes.” They wave at all three of them; Jinki waves back pleasantly.

“Goodbye, my three loves,” Jonghyun says, a pout on his lips as Key tugs him firmly into the coffee shop. Jinki watches them walk up to the counter through the glass, amused at how Jonghyun immediately clings to Key’s arm for comfort. He should have known the lunchtime split would have been emotional today.

“They’re so good,” Peach whispers. Jinki looks at leaf; Choi does as well, and they share a grin over leafs head.

 _“You’re_ good,” he says, and Choi boops leafs nose. Leaf smiles sheepishly and rubs leafs nose, turning to fully face the both of them. It hits Jinki suddenly that his last solo interaction with Peach was an awkward hug and some bumbling on his part. He’s more comfortable now than he was then, but he’s still thankful that Choi is going to be with them.

“So,” Peach says slowly, biting leafs lip. “If they have lunch in there, then where do we go?” Leaf gestures at the coffee shop with one hand and then around the rest of the mall with another. Jinki grins and takes leafs shoulders to gently face leaf across the street.

“We go there,” he says, pointing directly across. “And then there.” He points at the shop right next to the first. “Ice cream and then muffins.” He wiggles his eyebrows as Peach slowly inflates with a soft gasp, hands rising to squish leafs cheeks.

“Nice,” leaf whispers. Jinki grins and takes leafs arm to lead leaf towards the little crossing point. Choi scoots ahead of them, faces them, glances behind themself, and then continues to walk backwards with a wide smile.

“We’ll get your laptop after,” they sign. “And then we meet up with them at the arcade.”

“At the….” Peach says slowly, focusing on Choi’s hand as they finger spell the word out instead. “Arc… there’s an _arcade?_ ” Leaf hisses, whipping to Jinki for confirmation. Jinki nods and points back across the street and just a block down where the arcade is, doors open and colorful lights twinkling.

 _“Oh my god,”_ Peach breathes. “This is the best day of my life.” Leaf practically drags Jinki to the ice cream shop in leafs excitement but Jinki can’t find it in himself to mind. He’s just glad that he’s a part of this day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sneaks a quick peek at Peach; leaf is settled back in leafs chair, arms holding leafs laptop box to leafs chest, hands holding leafs phone with Choi’s Periscope steady. Leaf watches with sleepy eyes, thumb tapping little hearts every so often without any pattern. Jinki breathes out quietly and closes his eyes. One day.  
> Maybe he’ll ask Jonghyun or Key to set them up one time. A little friend date. Just the two of them.
> 
> **still tw for gender problems and past abuse and more anxiety this time**

****The first thing Peach does when they get into the ice cream shop is order peach ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. Jinki chuckles watching leaf bounce lightly in front of the counter, puts his arms around leafs waist to steady leaf, and leans over leafs shoulder to to make his own order. Then they scoot over to let Choi order their usual. Peach is bouncing in Jinki’s arms again, watching the second employee scoop leafs ice cream into the cup, when Choi pokes Jinki’s shoulder. **  
**

“Hmm?” Jinki hums, glancing at them. They gesture to the cashier with a pointed look. Jinki frowns. “It’s your turn,” he says. He knows. He remembers dropping, like, three dollars worth of coins last week and scrambling around to pick them all up. Choi frowns back, lips puffed up.

“No, last week I--” they start, but after a moment of hesitation, their hands drop. Jinki cocks a brow as they smile quickly at the cashier before digging in their pocket for their phone. They pull it out and tap to their notes app; after a few seconds of scrolling, they mouth a silent “fuck.” Jinki snorts when they shove their phone back into their pocket and pull out their wallet instead. He turns back to watch their ice cream, only to almost bump into Peach still watching Choi. Leafs bottom lip is trapped between leafs teeth.

“I can… pay,” Leaf says, but so quietly that it goes unnoticed and Choi has already handed over their card. Jinki squeezes leaf comfortingly.

“You don’t have to,” he says softly. Peach blinks at him with big eyes, hand drifting to leafs pocket.

“I _want_ to,” leaf says, “I don’t want to cost anything extra,” but Jinki takes leafs wrist in a gentle hand.

“They want to pay for you,” he says. “I know you have money anxiety, but.” He pauses for a second and sighs as he tries to think. He doesn’t know what the magic combination of words are to make Peach feel better about this. “Your turn can be next week,” he tries. In his opinion, leaf shouldn’t have to pay at all. Leaf shouldn’t have to give up the small life savings leaf was able to hide away for some ice cream. Leaf hasn’t even been able to start looking for a job yet, which both helps and hinders Jinki’s point. “It’s a gift,” he says. “Like your piercings and new clothes and the laptop.”

“Those were different,” Peach whines.

“Just because they were more expensive it doesn’t mean they’re more important,” Jinki says. “Inentionwise, anyway,” he adds. A laptop is kind of super fucking important compared to some ice cream. “All are being given to you because we care about you and because... we’re catching up on all of the birthdays we missed.” That’s kind of a lie; Jonghyun and Key have technically never missed a birthday or holiday, even if their presents were small and mostly online. They’re gifts because Peach deserves nice things for once in leafs life, but he thinks it’s easier to accept a birthday gift than a just-because gift. He nudges Peach gently to take leafs ice cream. “Imagine how much ice cream we need to catch up on,” he grins. Peach just hums, an uncomfortable noise, and Jinki sighs. Maybe it’ll be better if he changes the subject. Choi steps over to wait with them then, tucking their wallet back into their pocket. Peach mumbles a quiet “thank you” to them around leafs spoon.

“Can…,” leaf starts quietly. “Can it be my turn to buy muffins?” Leaf looks between the two of them pleadingly; Choi throws Jinki a questioning look. Jinki shrugs minutely back and sighs slowly. Again, leaf shouldn’t have to, but if it’ll make leaf feel better….

“Sure, Peach,” he says, pressing the tiniest of kisses to leafs temple. Leaf gasps softly at the name, flattered blushes of color rising in leafs cheeks, and Jinki smiles. Nice. He knows that feel of validation, at least. He glances up and takes his own vanilla cake batter with sugar sprinkles, taking a napkin as well from on top of the counter. Choi reaches over to put a hand on leafs shoulder reassuringly. Jinki rests his cheek against Peach’s head for a few seconds before leaning back and poking leafs side.

“Um,” he says. “You’re okay with me being this touchy with you, right?” he asks. He kind of just did it, so used to holding Jonghyun and Key so casually like this, and only just realized that he forgot to ask permission. Peach looks at him, then laughs softly, smiling back into leafs ice cream.

“Yeah,” leaf says. “If you’re okay with the large possibility of my physical intimacy craving ass falling in love with you too, then yeah.”

“Oh,” Jinki says. He forgot about that. He thinks one time Jonghyun described it as, “leaf falls in love with literally anyone that hugs leaf casually for more than five minutes.” Hmm. “Well, I mean,” he says, shifting half a step back so he can just have his one hand on Peach’s waist instead of being fully wrapped around leaf. “Maybe text me later and we can talk about my repulsion and boundaries and shit.” Jonghyun is fine and comfortable, but he doesn’t know if he can handle the kind of love Peach would give him. He’ll figure out if he wants to be touchy with Peach then. Peach turns to look at him quietly for a moment before shrugging.

“Sure,” leaf says. Jinki nods kind of awkwardly at that answer. Sure. He’s not entirely sure what “sure” means; if it’s a “sure, I’ll do that” sure or a “sure, I’ll stay away” sure or some other kind of sure that he can’t think of. He can’t read Peach at all and it unsettles him greatly. Thankfully, Choi saves him from having to respond by taking their ice cream and turning to smile at the both of them. They take a bite and hold the spoon in their mouth so they have one free hand.

“Inside or outside?” they ask, and then just points at both with a single finger so Peach can figure out what the signs meant. Jinki shrugs; as long as it’s not windy outside he doesn’t care either way. Peach hums, nibbling on leafs pink spoon, glancing outside, looking between the both of them.

“Mmm, outside,” leaf decides.

_“Outside,”_ Choi repeats, turning the sign into a dramatic point that makes them almost drop their ice cream. Jinki snorts, muffling his laughter into the back of his hand as Choi hisses quiet curses and fumbles to catch it. Peach does the same and floats forward to hold the door open for both of them.

“I’m actually pretty tired,” leaf says as leaf follows them to a little table in the shade. “This is so much more walking than I expected?” Leaf sits down with a whoosh of breath and squirms, arching leafs back with a little grimace. Jinki pats leafs arm sympathetically. He knows that lower back pain aesthetic. He’s kind of drifted from a two to a four since they left the baking store himself. At least his legs are fine where Peach’s are probably sore too.

“We can chill in the arcade for the rest of the day if you want,” he says, Choi shrugging an agreement. It’s what they usually do when Jinki has bad back days anyway. Peach hums, shrugs, and sucks ice cream off of leafs spoon.

“I’ll see how I feel later,” leaf mumbles. “Guh. How can walking be so difficult?”

“Well, I mean,” Jinki says, and then takes a big spoonful of ice cream to stop himself from finishing that thought. He was going to say “because you were never really allowed to do any exercise at all for years so now you’re super out of shape,” but something tells him that might not have been the best thing to bring up. “People underestimate walking,” he says instead after he swallows. “It’s legit exercise.”

“Super legit,” Choi signs, nodding sagely. Jinki grins. That’s a lot, coming from their five-days-a-week gym schedule.

“It’s the only exercise I do,” Jinki shrugs. “Besides scooping Jonghyun up when he drinks too much at the club and starts getting fighty.” He doesn’t have the energy or health to be doing cardio and sports and weights and shit. Nah. These weekly walks around the mall and keeping Jonghyun from getting his anus kicked in every few months are enough for him. Peach laughs softly at that, grinning into leafs ice cream.

“Yeah, well,” leaf says. “Hopefully I get used to it soon.”

“Mmhmm,” Choi hums back. They scoop out a mini oreo from their ice cream, untwist it, bite the filling out, and drop the cookie part back into their bowl. “I can take you to the gym with me if you want,” they sign.

“Meh,” Peach mumbles back, and Jinki snorts. Same. He leans over the table to give Peach a high five over Choi’s grumpy little pout. Peach links their fingers together for a moment before their hands slide apart and Jinki smiles. Nice. Good bonding. They’re practically best friends.

And speaking of best friends, as Jinki settles back into his chair, he notices something about Choi that really should have caught his attention way earlier: a lack of a camera.

“You’re not vlogging,” he says, pointing at Choi with his spoon. There’s been no camera in their hand this whole time, no fumbles to do everything one handed, no asking anyone to hold it so Choi can sign about what they’re doing today. There’s a pause after he points this out, where both Choi and Peach look at him, then each other, and then back to him with identical little smirks. Jinki huffs. “Wow, okay,” he says. Rude. He doesn’t need them judging him. “Just, why?” he asks, trying to shift the focus off of his lack of observation skills and back onto Choi. Choi looks at him for another moment before chuckling softly and shaking their head.

“Peach doesn’t wanna be on camera,” they sign, spoon between their lips.

“Oh,” Jinki says. He glances at Peach, who’s biting their lip and stirring around leafs ice cream. That makes sense. Leafs face broadcasted to Choi’s however many subscribers would be kind of a breach in security.

“At--at least not until I dye my hair,” Peach says, lifting a shaky hand to pat leafs head. “And, Kibummie says they're gonna teach me how to do eyeliner stuff.” Leaf taps the corner of leafs eye, drawing invisible little curly lines that make Jinki smile. Just thinking about Peach with colorful swirls is cute.

“You’re gonna dye your hair?” he asks curiously, propping his chin in his hand. He didn’t know about this. Peach nods eagerly though, spooning more ice cream in before leaf replies.

“Yeah, but I wanna let it grow out more first,” leaf says. “Like--” Leaf raises leafs hand, waves it vaguely around leafs ear with a grimace. “I don’t know, just, not _long_ , but longer than it is now.” Leaf flicks the short ends of leafs hair with a sigh. Jinki nods. Leaf’s always wanted it longer but has never been able to let it grow. “And I was thinking, like, blonde?” leaf says. “Maybe red, or, like, Kibummie has a bunch of colors.” Leaf shrugs with a hopeful smile. Jinki smiles back.

“Sounds nice,” he says. “I was blonde for a little bit.”

“Yeah?” Peach asks, leaning forward curiously. Jinki hums a confirmation.

“All of us were at some point,” Choi signs. Peach gasps softly.

“ _No_ ,” leaf whispers. Both Jinki and Choi nod.

“I had kind of a yellowish bleach and then kinda golden blonde before I went back to red,” Jinki says, running his fingers through his hair to fix up his little flip. It was a nice color on him but he didn’t like it as much as he likes his deep burgundy.

“Jongie and Kitty both had yellow blonde, bleach blonde, white, and kind of silvery hair,” Choi signs. Jinki snorts and nods. He remembers both of them playing with their hair colors at the same time and accusing each other of stealing ideas. Now they’re relatively safe from each other; Jonghyun doesn’t have the patience for rainbow hair and Key won’t go back to something as “boring” as straight brown. Jinki still wouldn’t put it passed them to bicker over styling choices.

“What about you?” Peach asks, tapping the table in front of Choi. Instead of answering, Choi kind of just looks down and tries to cover up a blush. Jinki feels a smirk curving up his lips at the memories as Peach turns to him immediately to spill.

“They had this, like, really gorgeous sandy darkish dirty blonde,” he says, grinning more when Choi makes a tiny embarrassed noise. “They were a super beach babe.”

“I looked like a surfer douche,” Choi signs, pout heavy on their lips. Jinki waves them off with a shake of his head.

“They looked stunning,” he says. It was only a few weeks, but that time was a blessing to everyone that saw them with their color paired with sleeveless shirts and a killer tan. “Especially when their roots started showing and gave it like, a two-toned look, like. Wow.” He’s still not over it. He knows that Jonghyun definitely isn’t. He’d never seen Jonghyun keep a phone background for more than a week before Choi went blonde.

“Guh, I can’t even picture it,” Peach says, slouching down onto the table. Jinki pats leafs head sympathetically.

“Jonghyun has a lot of pictures,” he hums. “And Choi’s old v--”

A harsh snap cuts him off; he turns lazily to grin at Choi’s glare. That was one of their loudest snaps yet, he thinks. He bets their fingers hurt.

“So the other day I found this cool video for cheeseburger onion rings,” he says, turning to Peach after wiggling an amused brow once at Choi. Peach hesitates, thrown off guard by the sudden subject change, but catches on after a few seconds. Leaf giggles into the back of leafs hand before leaning forward and asking Jinki about the recipe.

It carries them through their ice cream; talks of recipes and food carry them all the way into the little muffin shop next door. There, Peach slips out leafs wallet with a shaky little smile to pay. Jinki still sighs, but out of earshot, and skips the extra cookie he usually gets with his muffin. Choi skips their usual raspberry drizzle as well but both of them smile and give Peach grateful little pats as leaf tucks the receipt away. Peach links leafs arm with Jinki’s as he tries to move away, so Jinki stays and squeezes gently. Leaf’s turning out to be even more touchy than Jonghyun, which is pretty impressive. He never thought he’d see the day.

They get their muffins soon: Jinki a lemon with toasted meringue, Choi a blueberry with chocolate chips, and Peach a strawberry with extra jam. With Choi standing just as close to Peach as they would to the other three and Jinki’s arm still linked with leafs, they march out of the muffin shop together. Jinki catches Peach craning leafs neck to squint across the street at the coffee shop. He shakes his head fondly and points through the corner window at Jonghyun and Key’s usual spot. They’re not there anymore and Jinki shrugs sympathetically when Peach pouts.

“There’s a grass hill kind of behind all of those buildings,” Jinki says, gesturing at a side street a few shops down from the coffee place. “They like to lie in the shade and complain about the privileged for a while. It helps them destress.”

“Mmm,” Peach hums, turning back to look ahead of leaf. “Same.” Choi snorts and pats their head. Jinki knows that talking about shit just makes them more stressed about it all. He’s the same way. Maybe they’ll figure out how to get Peach in on that next week, but for now, they keep leading leaf down the street to the electronics store.

As they walk, Jinki feels his back starting to ache even more. He sighs quietly and tries to stretch without drawing attention to it. He has more pills in his bag but he doesn’t like using more than one dose a day in the mornings. He is definitely going to try to get Peach to back him up on the staying-in-the-arcade thing later. They can be sore babes together. That’s still later, though; now, he just has to wait until they get into the electronics store so he can melt into the fancy massage chairs they have near the entrance. He’ll sit there and watch the marble slide machines and have a nice, relaxed, unpainful time. He licks a bit of meringue off of his muffin as they make their way down the street.

He’s just finishing off his last bite by the time they reach the front door, which is something that he’s extremely proud of. Both Choi and Peach are awkwardly leaning up against the glass to finish theirs. Jinki wiggles his eyebrows smugly at both of them. He holds the door open for them both after, handing Peach a napkin from his bag for leafs sticky strawberry fingers.

Inside, Jinki breathes deep and exhales happily. He loves how these places smell. Productivity and dust. Nice. Choi pats Peach’s shoulder and points to one of the middle aisles at where all of the laptops are on display. Peach gasps softly and claps with little hands.

“Nice,” leaf whispers. Jinki exhales shortly in amusement. They all start making their way there, and when they reach the massage chairs in front, Jinki stops with a happy noise.

“Okay, well,” he says, patting his favorite chair, the second from the left. It’s right in front of the dark green marble slide and thankfully no one else is sitting in it yet. “I’ll be here,” he says, and lets himself sink into it. He fumbles for his wallet, slots a few coins into the arm for twenty minutes, and pokes the buttons to make it focus on his lower back. That should be enough time for them to get a laptop. “Have fun,” he hums, waving lazily at the other two. Choi smiles and waves back. Peach hesitates, bottom lip sucked between leafs teeth.

“I… alone?” leaf asks, one hand resting on the head of the chair. Jinki blinks back.

“Um,” he says slowly. “Yes?” His confirmation makes leaf pout even harder, which completely throws him off. He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again. “What’s… wrong?” he asks, pitch rising way too much at the end. He coughs into his shoulder like he thinks that’ll actually cover it. Peach grimaces, sighs, runs leafs fingers through their hair.

“Just, it’s,” leaf says. “I don’t know. It’s irrational. I know you’ll be fine, but, just.” Leaf sighs again, rubbing their hand over their eyes. Behind them, Choi snaps softly to get his attention.

“Leafs panic attack from earlier was because leaf couldn’t find Kitty in the chocolate store,” they sign. “And leafs anxiety told leaf that she had suddenly died somehow.”

“Oh,” Jinki says. Peach watches Choi’s hands drop to their side and turns back with a little shrug.

“I didn’t catch all of that, but,” leaf mumbles. “Yeah.”

“Oh,” Jinki says again. He taps his fingers awkwardly on the arm of the chair. Suddenly the soft buzzing noise of its vibration seems extremely loud. “Um,” he says. He really doesn’t want to get up and skip this resting time. “ _Um,”_ he repeats, very flustered, and then gasps softly with an idea. He pulls out his phone and fiddles with his apps.

“Choi, are you following me on Periscope or no?” he asks, tapping through everything to start a broadcast. He wouldn’t blame Choi if they weren’t. He hardly ever uses the app to broadcast himself. Choi nods, though, taking out their own phone. Peach peeps over their shoulder as they pull up Jinki’s video.

“Oh,” leaf says. Jinki’s phone picks it up and leafs voice comes back out of Choi’s phone. All three of them laugh softly at that. Jinki switches the phone to the back camera because it feels weird to be looking at himself and just sets it up to watch the marble machines as well.

“Um,” he says another time. “So, just, I’ll keep this going and you can look for your laptop and you’ll know I haven’t spontaneously combusted or anything,” he says. That’s a good plan, right? Right. One that involves both his comfort and no anxiety. Peach seems to agree, because leafs lips twitch into a tiny smile.

“Okay, uh, thanks,” leaf says, tapping leafs hand lightly on Jinki’s shoulder. “Really.”

“Mmhmm,” Jinki hums, waving them both off to continue their search for a laptop. Choi hands Peach their phone as they walk away and Peach’s little “ooh” makes Jinki smile. It’s getting easier to talk seriously to leaf kind-of-solo, he thinks; he accepted that “thank you” like a champ and their conversation in the ice cream shop earlier was pretty okay. He doesn’t know what will happen if they’re left alone together at some point, but he guesses that he’ll figure that out when it happens.

When they’re gone, he doesn’t really say much; he doesn’t feel like talking and they don’t need to hear him to know that he’s okay. He just rests his phone in his lap, angling it so it has a nice shot of both the marble slides and his fingers tapping pleasantly on the arm of the chair. Every so often he sees a little heart pop up in the corner of his video and he smiles. He doesn’t know if they’re Peach confirming that leaf is also okay or just leaf absentmindedly tapping the screen, but either way it’s cute.

His eyes droop as he watches the marbles in front of him. He follows a bright blue sphere down his favorite route: from the top, down a spiral, through two loops, weaving in between a few other slides, and finally twisting to settle at the bottom before it’s sucked back up to the top again. The massage chair vibrates gently and kneads his back just the way he likes. A display TV screen somewhere behind him plays soothing music.

Jinki sighs happily. This is so good and nice and comfortable. He feels like he could fall asleep soon; he usually does if Choi leaves him alone in here like this for long enough. He thinks maybe he doesn’t have time for a full-on nap, but a few minutes couldn't hurt. Especially when they’re minutes as nice as this. He lets his eyes slide all the way shut, nuzzling his cheek into the soft velvet of the headrest as the quiet bustling of the store around him lulls his mind to ease.

Soon everything starts to get pleasantly muffled, every noise melting together in his brain and becoming blurry and blended. Things shift in and out of sharpness as his breathing evens out. He doesn’t know how long he sits there like this, but he does know that he hadn’t fully fallen asleep when the sudden, close jingle of spilled coins jolts him back into focus.

“God, good job, you fucking dipshit,” he hears in a dark mutter next to him. Blearily opening his eyes, he squints Peach into view. Leaf’s in the massage chair next to him, bent over the arm and reaching for the floor. More jingles and clatters and hissed self-insults clue Jinki in to the fact that leaf must have just dropped some change.

“Hey,” he mumbles, lifting a hand to rub at his eye. “Say sorry.”

“Mm--what? Oh--fuck, Jinki, sorry, I’m so sorry,” Peach says quickly. Leaf fumbles even more for leafs change, trying to look both at it and Jinki at the same time. “I didn’t--I didn’t mean to wake you up, fuck, just--”

“Oh, no, no,” Jinki says quickly, rubbing his hair out of his face and sitting up more. He blinks quickly to _really_ focus on Peach, on leafs bitten lip, leafs shaky hands. “I meant, to yourself,” he clarifies. “You insulted yourself.”

“I--oh,” Peach says. Leafs voice falters, leafs hand curling into the arm of the chair. “Um. Sorry… me?” leaf says hesitantly. Jinki pauses, then nods. That was good enough. As good as it could be while he’s too disoriented to actually explain, anyway.

“You don’t have to berate yourself for an accident,” he says, gesturing at the coins still on the floor. Peach glances at them quickly and nods even quicker.

“I know, I know,” leaf says. “I’m just. I’m taking a while to unlearn that,” leaf mumbles. Jinki nods silently. He knows. It’s only been a week. And even if it had been five years, Jinki would still remind leaf to be nice to leafself. He does it for Jonghyun all the time. A suspicious lack of helpful hands makes him blink and look around.

“Where’s Choi?” he asks. They’re not anywhere around.

“They’re,” Peach says, and then grunts softly. Jinki watches leaf pick the last couple of quarters up and sit back with a triumphant noise. “They’re looking for camera vlog stuff,” leaf says. Leaf picks up leafs phone from their lap and shows Jinki a new Periscope, this time from Choi. He grins at the little rush of nonstop hearts in the corner. He bets their fans are just loving their generic adventure through the electronics store. “We got my laptop and I thought I’d come sit with you while they got the rest of their stuff.” Peach shrugs, giving Jinki a small smile. Leaf pats a box leaf has in leafs lap and holds it up for Jinki to see. The laptop looks like it’s cheap but still good and he nods in approval.

“Neato,” he says. Peach’s smile twitches up a fraction more.

“Um,” leaf says. “Sorry, again, for waking you up.” Leaf looks down quickly after the apology to feed some coins into leafs chair and then fiddle with the settings.

“No, it’s,” Jinki starts, lifting his hand and then lowering it to tap on his own armrest. “It’s fine,” he says. “I wasn’t… really sleeping anyway.”

“Oh,” Peach says. “Um. Okay.”

“Mmm,” Jinki hums back, and it’s in that moment, that single, awkward syllable that makes Taemin kind of frown, that it really registers in his brain that without Choi here, the two of them are alone. Like, alone together. They look at each other for a moment that suddenly feels extremely awkward to Jinki before he does his best to smile and turns quickly back to watch the marble slides. He twiddles his thumbs in his lap as he focuses on the marbles, avoiding Taemin’s gaze. He’s not even sure if Taemin is still looking at him. He can’t bring himself to check.

He hates this, honestly. He hates how he can be perfectly comfortable with Peach one minute and then completely clueless the next. It makes sense that he’s not all buddy-buddy with leaf. This is literally the fifth time they’ve been in the same place together with other people and the second time they’ve been completely alone. Twenty minutes of sitting in the same bed together watching cat videos wasn’t enough to cement them as best friends--Jinki _knows_ this, but still. It’s not fair.

It’s not fair to Peach and it’s not fair to him. Maybe later he’ll talk to Choi about how they got close, but he doesn’t think any advice they can give him will help. They probably got closer just because of the fact that they live in the same damn house and are home alone together while Key is at work. Jinki can’t exactly have that experience.

He sighs, booping his chair’s vibration down a level or two. He’ll figure this out. Eventually. Hopefully. For now, he guesses he’ll just wait for Choi to return and rescue him from this nonsense.

He sneaks a quick peek at Peach; leaf is settled back in leafs chair, arms holding leafs laptop box to leafs chest, hands holding leafs phone with Choi’s Periscope steady. Leaf watches with sleepy eyes, thumb tapping little hearts every so often without any pattern. Jinki breathes out quietly and closes his eyes. One day.

Maybe he’ll ask Jonghyun or Key to set them up one time. A little friend date. Just the two of them.

“How... do you feel…,” Peach’s voice says, not suddenly but unexpected enough to make Jinki start and look over. “About ‘Ace…’ as a name?” Leaf was speaking forward, but when leaf finishes, leaf turns slowly to look at Jinki, top lip between leafs teeth. Jinki blinks. How does--fuck. He shifts in his seat to give himself time to think, time to understand what Peach actually said to him. How does he feel about ‘Ace’ as a name.

“Like,” he says slowly. “For you?”

“Yeah,” Peach says, nodding. “I think… I don’t know. I like how it sounds, but. It feels weird, like, calling myself ‘Ace’ when I’m the only one out of the five of us that’s not _actually_ ace.”

“Oh,” Jinki says. “Yeah, uh true.” That is kind of weird and not weird at the same time. “But, it could mean ‘ace’ like, someone that excels at something.” Peach excels at a lot of things. And lots of people have words as names. It’s not like Peach is trying to name leafself “Grey-cupiosexual” or anything. Just a name of confidence.

“Yeah, that’s what I want it to mean,” Peach mumbles. Leaf shifts slightly so leaf can face Jinki more comfortably. Leafs eyes are dark and serious, something that flusters Jinki but also sparks a determination to help in his chest. “I don’t know, I feel like. Less intensely upset about my gender shit now.” Leaf shrugs and tucks leafs laptop box behind leaf against the opposite armrest. “I feel like I can talk about it more now.”

“With me?” Jinki blurts out. He can’t imagine why. Peach nods.

“Why not?” leaf asks. Their fingers play with the vibration buttons on their chair, switching the setting up and down one level. “You’re an enby too, right?”

“I mean,” Jinki says. “Yeah, but.” He feels like Peach’s gender problems don’t really match up with his. He’s never even had any kind of dysphoria. His general aesthetic is that everything is fucking made up and confusing and if gender is made up and has no boundaries then he just doesn’t have a gender at all because he can’t pick one to feel if any gender can feel like anything. Choi is the same except instead of opting for no gender they felt better being polygender; Jonghyun is a bigender trans dude with gentle demigirl feels around him all the time. Peach’s highkey genderfluid stuff seems more up Key’s alley. Jinki opens his mouth to try to explain all of that in one sentence.

“Look, just,” Peach says, cutting him off before he can start. Leaf sighs, running their fingers through their hair. “Can I just… try some names and pronouns with you?” Leafs eyes hold a plea for help; Jinki closes his mouth with a heavy exhale of breath. He guesses that any advice is better than no advice. Letting Peach hear leafself referred to in different ways has nothing to do with Jinki’s own personal concept of gender.

“Yeah,” Jinki says. He can do that. “Yeah. So, Ace?”

“Mmm… yeah,” Ace agrees. “And, I think… maybe they?” Their uncertain frown turns into more of a serious pout. Jinki smiles reassuringly anyway. He turns to look at the ceiling, twiddling his thumbs as he thinks of what to say.

“So, today I hung out with Ace,” he says, glancing at Ace out of the side of his eye for a second. “They came to The Midpoint with Choi and Key and they were super cute from the moment they stepped out of the car. They got their ears pierced at Amber’s and Luna also said that they were cute.”

“Wait, she did?” Ace asks, reaching over to tap Jinki’s chair to get his attention. Jinki turns an amused smile to them and nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “You just didn’t see because she signed it to Choi. Those two have their own conversations all the time.” Technically he shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on them, but he just glanced over for a moment and saw the sentence.

“Oh,” Ace says, and leaves it at that and a flattered smile. Jinki exhales fondly and goes back to his summary of the day.

“So we and Ace all went chilling around the rest of the mall after that,” he says. “Jonghyun got them a rad new outfit and later they got peach ice cream and a strawberry muffin. And then they came with Choi and me to the electronics store, where they got a new laptop. And now here we are.” He ends his story with a weird muffled laugh at it’s lackluster conclusion. He did his best. Looking back to Ace, he finds them puffing up their lips, staring at the ceiling in thought. “How’d that feel?” Jinki hums. Ace hums back a kind of noncommittal noise.

“I feel like… mmmh…. Can you do that again, but call me ‘Tae’ instead?”

“No problem,” Jinki says easily. “Today I hung out with Tae. They came to The Midpoint with Choi and Key….”

And he continues; he finishes that paragraph and looks to Tae for their opinion. Tae hums, pouts, shrugs, asks to be called “Ace” with “ve” pronouns this time. Jinki does that, and then repeats it again as “Taeyeon” and “ve,” then “Taeyeon” and “they.” He cycles through names and pronouns, listening each time for how they make Taeyeon feel. They don’t like how “Tae” only has one syllable where they’re used to two. They still don’t feel like a “she” and “they” starts making them feel weird, but “he” feels alright, “ve” and “ne” are maybes, leaf pronouns are still good, and petal pronouns still feel off. No pronouns are good too, but they’d need more time to get used to the grammar. Jinki learns that he can’t pronounce “ze” pronouns correctly enough to save his fucking life without practise so Taeyeon just rules those out completely with a smothered laugh. “Taemin” a second time with “he” feels comfortable and good, but he isn’t sure if it’s just because that’s what he’s used to or not.

“I’m only ‘Jinki’ and ‘he’ because it’s what I was used to when I decided that gender was an illusion,” Jinki tells him after that observation, poking his shoulder helpfully. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” As long as they don’t actually make him feel dysphoric once he has everything figured out, anyway.

“Mmm,” Taemin hums. He checks his phone and taps some hearts onto Choi’s Periscope. “Also, all of this is based off of the whatever-the-fuck gender I’m feeling right now,” he mumbles. “It’ll probably all change when I fluid my way back to demiboy or girl again.” He sighs and drapes himself over the armrest of his chair. “I’m so fucked up.”

“Hey, don’t… say that,” Jinki says. He reaches over hesitantly to pat Taemin’s head. “Gender shit is complicated… and… I mean, you’ll figure it out eventually, and even if you don’t, that’s okay too, and--”

“Oh, no, I meant,” Taemin says, looking up and waving a hand to stop Jinki. “I know I’m only just starting to figure... like… _everything_ good out, but. I meant, like… because of my parents, um. Because of how they--they um. Controlled what I wore, and looked like, and looked _up,_ and didn’t let me have privacy, and t-told me I wasn’t--” He stops himself with a twitch, a shudder, a scrunched up face and a shake of the head.

When he drops his head back to the armrest and takes heavy breaths, Jinki gently pets through his hair the way he’s seen Jonghyun do. He feels equal parts guilty and sympathetic for this moment, but for once, just from those halted words, he actually gets what Taemin means.

“Hey, um,” he says softly. He turns his own chair vibrations off early because it’s starting to get numbing and distracting instead of comfortable. “They’re… not here,” he says. “You’re, um, safe. With me, and--and with everyone else,” he adds quickly. This feels awkward enough without him drawing his own attention to himself. He hopes he’s not fucking this up even more. He knew he should have asked Jonghyun about how to do this _before_ it happened. “And, um,” he continues anyway. “They, um, can’t do any of those things to you anymore. And they never will again. Because, um. You’re safe. Like I said. Before. Still safe. Yeah.” He feels like he’s fucking this up even more.

He doesn’t know what to say after that. He feels like he covered all of the bases and he can’t remember if Jonghyun or Key ever repeat the grounding words they tell him, if that helps or not. He just stays silent, petting through Taemin’s hair. At least he was able to think of something to say. That’s better than last week. He feels like a hug would be appreciated right now too, but he can’t see either of them getting up at the moment.

Eventually, after a long few minutes, Taemin lifts his head and rubs his eyes. They’re not red or wet, but he still looks at Jinki with a shy kind of vulnerability that makes his entire soul want to protect him. And then, after barely more than a second, that look is gone, replaced by a blink and Taemin sitting up to lean back in his chair.

“Anyway,” he says, like despite his still shaky hands as he checks Choi’s Periscope he’s already moved on from that panic attack. “I think for now I’m just gonna. Be Taemin and he when I feel like Taemin, and Taeyeon and she when I feel like Taeyeon, and maybe just…. I’ll pick pronouns that feel nice and figure out a good name for when I have my whatever-the-fuck gender feels.” He shrugs. Jinki hums quietly. That seems extremely open and full of what-ifs to be a conclusion to this whole conversation, but Taemin probably knows that. It’s good enough for now and if it’s a temporary solution that he’s okay with, then that’s good.

“So, how are you feeling now?” he asks. “Still Taemin?”

“Ahh… mmm,” Taemin hums. “Ace. But I think ‘he’ pronouns would be okay.” He takes a deep, only slightly shaky breath and nods, like he’s confirming that to himself. Jinki smiles reassuringly at him.

“Alright then,” he says. “Can you--”

“Is it weird that I’ve had like three names in one day?” Ace asks suddenly. Jinki blinks at his bitten lip, his twitchy again hands.

“Uh,” he says blankly. “No.” Not at all. Technically Key has three names at a time every day. “Don’t apologize for any inconvenience you think trying to figure yourself out causes other people. “It’s nothing compared to what he’s going through. All he has to do is keep people updated on the changes when he remembers to and it’s fine. Ace blinks quickly at him, nervous fingers picking his nails, and then nods.

“Okay, yeah, sorry,” he mumbles. “What were you gonna say?”

“Um, just,” Jinki says. He frowns for a moment to remember. “I was gonna call you Ace casually to affirm your gender,” he says, holding up one finger and grinning at Ace’s excited little gasp. “And then ask where Choi was,” because he can’t imagine that they’re _still_ looking for shit after what felt like a lifetime of talking. Ace gasps again, even softer this time, and tugs up his phone.

“They are….” he says, squinting at the livestream Choi still has going. “They’re--” He frowns, looks up, squints at the front of the store. “Oh,” he says. “They’re buying their stuff.” He points to one of the registers and Jinki follows his finger to find the tall babe indeed standing in line.

“Nice,” Jinki says. That means they get to go to the arcade soon. He turns his gaze back to the ceiling and tries to remember the third thing he was going to ask Ace. It was an important name question, about--“Oh,” he says, snapping his fingers with the memory. Ace hums in question and Jinki looks at him with curiosity. “Have you thought about what you’re gonna change your name to, like, legally?” he asks. He knows it’s only been a week, but he also knows that Ace wants to have his new legal name before he does any doctor appointments or job searching or anything. Just for comforts’ sake.

“Ooh,” Ace says, and Jinki is surprised to see an easy smile on his lips. “Yeah. Kind of. For the moment, unless I suddenly want to call myself, like, Ronaldo or something, I’m thinking just Taeyeon. Lee Taeyeon.” The name comes out of his lips with a smile and Jinki raises his eyebrows, confused and intrigued. Ace rubs his nose, self-conscious. “I know Taeyeon is really similar, which is why I’m still iffy about it, but,” he says. “I really like the name and it’ll be protected by the government and everything anyway.” He shrugs, but Jinki shakes his head. That’s not what he was surprised by.

“I thought you were gonna change ‘Lee’ to ‘Kim,’ too?” he asks. To match Jonghyun and Key and to really throw his parents off. Ace shrugs again, but this time taps his fingers a little nervously on his armrest.

“I was,” he says slowly. “But, I mean, then _you_ would be the only Lee. I’d feel bad.” He smiles softly; Jinki laughs even softer, shaking his head fondly, flattered.

“That wouldn’t be so bad,” he says. “Choi’s the only Choi.”

“Yeah, but that’s like, their _thing_ ,” Ace says. He wiggles his fingers to emphasise the _thing_ , which Jinki does have to admit is a good point. “I like being a Lee,” Ace says quietly. “It’s something that I have in common with you.”

“Oh,” Jinki says, and that’s all he can say, “oh,” before Ace smiles and checks his phone again.

“Jonghyun wants to know if we want popcorn?” he says, tilting his head curiously. He looks up and shows Jinki the text; Jinki stares blankly at the phone for a moment before shaking himself quickly back to focus.

“Um,” he says. Popcorn. That means he and Key are already at the arcade and have snuck through the back door to get food from the movie theatre attached without buying a ticket. “I--nah.” Something in the back of his mind reminds him that he hates movie theatre popcorn.

“Mmm, well, I want popcorn,” Ace mumbles, texting quickly back. Jinki sees several emojis in there but he hardly registers those either. He does not believe that Ace just dropped that confession on him and then continued on with things like it wasn’t one of the most personal and heartfelt things Jinki has ever heard in his life.

“Hey, come on,” Ace says. He stands up, stretches, and reaches for Jinki’s hand with a smile. “Choi’s at the front of the line.” Choi is at the front of the line and Jinki is still miles behind as Ace tugs him up and pulls him across the linoleum. He smiles a greeting at Choi, but watches Ace quietly, watches him bouncing with his laptop under his arm and a smile on his lips, and thinks back through the last week. Somewhere down the line, without him noticing it, he’d somehow become just as important to Ace as he’s been trying to be this whole time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinki watches Jonghyun walk away, then turns to find Choi heading to their own car a few spots down. He guesses they’re gonna park it next to the van, now that there’s space. Turning again, he hesitates when Tae is the next person that he sees, leaning up against the front of the van, very close to where he is.  
> Tae looks away quickly when he catches Jinki’s eye. He stares at the ground, bottom lip between his teeth, fingers twisting with each other. Jinki grimaces, glances at the back of the van, at Choi’s car slowly putting over the asphalt. They did this on purpose. Jonghyun unlocking the doors for him was just a ruse.
> 
> **still tw for less gender problems but more anxiety and self-esteem problems**

****The entire walk down to the arcade is Ace struggling to unwrap a case of headphones, Choi watching him with the most amused grin, and Jinki trying to figure out when exactly it was that he became important. **  
**

Important enough to want to keep a _name_ for him, holy shit. Jinki still can’t believe it. He racks his brain, watching his feet take their steps in puzzled silence. It can’t have been anything he’d done today. Ace had that name ready and easily available to tell him. He must have decided before. Sometime during the week? But, no, that doesn’t make sense either. All they’d texted about this week was memes and shitty puns. Their goodbye at the diner last week? Was a fucking mess. Scratch that. And spending the night with him doesn’t count either, because technically they all spent the night together.

He supposes, actually going and getting Taemin from his parents’ house, helping him move and supporting him, and that whole reassuring hug they had before they left the house for good might have been worth something. Jinki still can’t see it though. That was a jumble of him not knowing what the fuck to say and just doing what any decent person would do. The other three did way more than him that weekend. His actions alone weren’t worthy of wanting to share something so important and personal legally for the rest of his life.

He’s so caught up in thinking about it that he almost walks right passed the arcade and doesn’t notice until Ace’s hand clasps around his wrist and tugs him to a stop.

“Hmm--what? Oh,” he says, blinking up at the colors. “Whoops,” he says, grinning sheepishly when Choi and Ace both roll their eyes at him. He follows them inside, checking his wallet for small bills to exchange for tokens. He decides to see how many extra the other two have gotten for themselves first and winds his way to the back of the arcade. As he expected, Jonghyun and Key are in front of the same zombie shooter game that they’re always at. He shares a fond yet exasperated look with Choi over Ace’s head.

“They’ve had the high score on that thing for years,” he mumbles to Ace. Ace heads forward curiously at that to peep at the screen. Jinki walks up to stand behind them as well. They’re on the roller coaster of death part, right before the giant roller car train boss. Neither of them even flinch from their focused shooting as Ace slips an arm around both of their waists.

“Hi,” he says.

“Hey,” Key hums back. Jonghyun hums just a single noise and blasts a clown bat out of the sky. Ace slides to stand fully behind him, wraps his arms around his waist, nuzzles his whole face into his neck, and presses a little kiss to his skin.

“Mwah,” he says, voice tiny, and Jinki has to fight down too big of a smile. What the fuck. That’s so cute. Apparently Jonghyun thinks so too, because he actually turns his head a fraction to peck the corner of Ace’s mouth.

“My fantastic and marvelous little ace trainer,” he mumbles. His eyes don’t leave the screen but Ace smiles anyway and drifts from him to Key.

“I thought you were scared of clowns,” he says as Jinki takes the opportunity to slip his arm around Jonghyun’s waist and rest his head on his shoulder. “And rollercoasters. And zombies.”

“Yeah, so now I’m facing my fears by murdering them all with ruthless efficiency,” Key replies. Jinki snorts and Choi shakes their head as they step up on Jonghyun’s other side. Their arm settles on top of Jinki’s around his waist and their chin drops onto Jonghyun’s head. Jonghyun doesn’t even bat an eye and Choi’s smug grin about that makes Jinki chuckle softly. They’re good. They’re all good, just by existing in the ways that they do.

They stay there at the shooter for a good fifteen more minutes until Jonghyun and Key finish with satisfied smiles. By that time Ace had already found the closed up bag of popcorn from earlier and piled half of it down his throat. Neither Jonghyun nor Key have noticed and Jinki watches them just replace one of their old high score slots with a new one with a fond shake of the head. Seven out of ten spots on the list just say J&K. He doesn’t know why he ever expected them to bond over something normal.

When they finally put the guns back into their holsters and turn around, Key fluffs up Ace’s hair and fixes his shirt, asks about his ears and pulls out the little kit Amber gave them earlier to clean around the piercings. Jonghyun turns to Jinki and Choi and throws an arm around each of their necks, smiling little kissies against their skin and being entirely too adorable for the world.

“How was your lunch?” he asks, slipping his hands around Jinki fully. He rubs his lower back in slow little circles, something that makes Jinki sigh and rest his head on Jonghyun’s shoulder instead of answering. This is. So nice. Jonghyun hums an interested little noise after a moment which Jinki assumes is a reply to whatever Choi signed behind him. Jinki agrees with it, whatever it was. “Come on,” Jonghyun says then. “Let’s go win some tickets.”

He stops his little massage on Jinki’s back, which Jinki pouts at, but he tugs Jinki gently over to the little ticket area with everyone else. Pushing him to sit on one of the spare stools next to the skee-ball machines, he presses a kiss to his cheek and squeezes his hand.

“I’ll win you something nice,” he says, winking and then crouching down to feed some coins into the machine. Jinki smiles tiredly and leans his head against the side of it. Jonghyun says that every time and every time he just proves himself to have atrocious aim and then whines at Choi to get tickets for him.

Some ten minutes later, after Jonghyun has huffed at the machine and whined at Choi to win tickets for him, he presents Jinki with a lovely pair of fuzzy pink dice and a little alien friend finger puppet. Jinki boops his tum with it and follows him easily to the air hockey table. That little sit gave him enough rest to be able to stand and hunch over for long enough to wreck Key like usual. After that Ace wants to play. With a pair of shutter shades and glow-in-the-dark clip on piercings at the tops of his ears, he’s so good at the game that it catches Jinki off guard. He almost doesn’t switch from “easy mode” to “actually trying” in time and when the game does end, he’d only won by one point.

“Bruh,” he says, raising his eyebrows. He’s impressed. No one’s ever scored more than four points against him. Ace smirks and drops his handle onto the table like it’s a mic.

“Guess what game the only friend I was ever allowed to see had in their basement,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows so much that his shutter shades almost fall off his face. Jinki laughs, shoulders deflating with the breath that leaves him. Holy shit. He’s way too proud, and it’s not helped at all by the way Jonghyun clings to him and presses a congratulatory kiss to his cheek. “Also,” Ace adds, “can you not call me ‘bruh’?”

“Oh,” Jinki says. Whoops. “Yeah, sorry.” He gives Ace a finger pistol; Ace gives him two back. Nice. “Here,” he says next, turning to give his handle to Choi. “I’m gonna go sit down.” His few minutes of back relief are ending and he really doesn’t want to keep standing right now, or at all anymore. Choi pats his shoulder sympathetically, then turns to sign “bring it on” to Ace. Key drifts from behind Ace to stand on the side of the table so he can support both of them and Jonghyun drifts away entirely to follow Jinki.

“Four?” he asks quietly, running his palms up Jinki’s shoulderblades.

“Fiveish,” Jinki mumbles back, and then, “hey, it’s fine,” when Jonghyun makes a stern worried noise. “It’s not bad until, like, a six.”

“Jinki,” Jonghyun sighs, but Jinki turns and shushes him with a gentle boop to the cheek.

“My back,” he says.

“Your decisions,” Jonghyun grumbles back. Jinki gives him a gentle kiss on the cheek this time.

“I’m fine if I’m sitting down,” he says, and then immediately sits down in one of the racecar games seats. “So sit with me,” he says, raising his eyebrow in a challenge. Jonghyun hesitates, but Jinki can tell that the temptation is too strong for him. They do this every week.

“Guh,” Jonghyun says, and sits down heavily in the second chair. “But I’m driving us home,” he says as he hands Jinki a token. Jinki shrugs. He was going to ask anyway.

“Not before I drive you off the road,” he grins. He picks out his favorite car and slams the start button. Jonghyun gasps loudly and does the same and the next few minutes are filled by intense driving and heavy curses from Jonghyun.

When Jonghyun loses the first time he demands a rematch immediately; by the fourth time, he sighs and slumps down in his chair.

“You know you could could _let_ me win once,” he grumbles. Jinki smirks back and fluffs up his hair.

“I could, yeah,” he agrees. He looks around the rest of the arcade while Jonghyun keeps up his grumbling. If he leans just right, he can see the other three. They’ve left their air hockey table and are now at the basketball hoops. Choi is rhythmically scoring goals as tickets flow out of the slot. Key is leaning against the wall next to it and Ace is leaning back against their chest. His head is on their shoulder and their arms are around his waist, and they’re sharing what looks like serious words. As Jinki watches, Choi pauses just long enough to boop Ace’s nose. Ace smiles, looking immediately comforted and relieved. It’s so effortless, the way they can make him smile.

“You okay, bun?”

“Hmm?” Jinki turns to face Jonghyun’s questioning look. “Yeah, fine,” he says. As fine as he can be, anyway. “Why?”

“Mmm, you just seemed kind of… suddenly troubled,” Jonghyun says. He reaches out and picks some fuzz off of Jinki’s shirt with a knowing look.

“Ahh,” Jinki says. “I mean.” He contemplates actually lying for a moment but it’s not like Jonghyun didn’t already catch on. He goes for the obviously fake lie instead. “Yeah, it’s nothing.” he says. “Just my back.” He shrugs; Jonghyun cocks a brow at him, amused.

“Alright, well, if we’re not gonna talk about it,” he says, and grins even wider when Jinki grumbles at being so blatantly called out like that. “C’mere,” Jonghyun says. He tugs Jinki up gently, picks up a spare stool by a fighting game, and carries both to a pokemon claw machine. “I wanna get a Rowlet,” he mumbles, setting the stool down for Jinki to sit. Jinki shakes his head fondly as he eases himself onto it and scoots back so he can rest straight against the wall.

“You’ve literally never gotten anything from this,” he says.

“Not yet,” Jonghyun says back. He winks and jams a token into the slot. Jinki sighs in vague disapproval as he watches Jonghyun meticulously line up the claw. He hits the button and it goes down, closes feebly around a pokémon’s leg, lets it slip through, and returns to the starting position. Jonghyun frowns at it, looking personally offended, and puts another token in.

“Your two dollar limit, remember,” Jinki says after Jonghyun’s fourth try.

“Uh huh,” Jonghyun says back. He doesn’t take his eyes off of his target, but Jinki does. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone winding through the machines and towards them.

Ace smiles at Jinki as he comes up. He holds up a plastic flower crown from the prize counter and places it gently upon Jonghyun’s head, leaning around to press a kiss to his neck. Then he steps in front of Jinki and gives him a flower crown too, though he skips the neck kiss. Jinki can’t say that he’s disappointed.

“Hi,” he says, putting his hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder to get his attention. “Call me Tae from now on?” he asks, looking between both of them.

“Of course,” Jonghyun hums, lifting Tae’s hand to kiss it and going back to his claw.

“No problem, Tae,” Jinki says. He guesses he’s found out what the other three were talking about before. A smile grows on Tae’s lips that’s even wider than before, and he gives Jinki two cute flower bracelets with a meaningful nod at Jonghyun. Jinki nods easily, wiggling one on and holding the other to give to him when he’s done. Tae touches Jonghyun’s butt, then steps back with a smirk after he squeaks.

“Alright, bye again,” he says, and leaves them both to slink back to Choi and Key.

“God, I love him so-- _gnngh, fuck_ \--so much,” Jonghyun breathes. He growls at the claw machine and bangs his fist on the counter halfway through that confession. Jinki barely notices the sad defeat jingle it plays, nor what Jonghyun says after that. He watches Tae walk away, rubbing a plastic flower petal between his fingers, more confused than he’s been all day. “Jinki?” Jonghyun asks, and even that feels distant and muffled--but it’s enough to snap him into speaking.

“Why does he think I’m so important?” he asks loudly, quickly, heavily. It all leaves him in a distressed whoosh, a thick swallow, a plastic flower bracelet accidentally squished in his hand. Across the arcade Tae is bouncing lightly in front of a fighter game that Choi is effortlessly beating him at. He doesn’t _understand._

“Dude,” Jonghyun says flatly. When Jinki tears his eyes away to look at him, he’s giving Jinki this extremely judgemental look with a cocked hip and brow.

_“What?_ ” Jinki asks. Whines, more like, not that he’d admit it. Jonghyun looks at him for another second before rolling his eyes and turning back to the claw machine. A fond smile tugs up his lips that Jinki can’t seem to enjoy.

“Because you are a golden gem of a human being,” he says matter-of-factly as he maneuvers the claw around. He lowers the claw, bites his lip, sighs, and rests his forehead against the glass. “I’m so bad at this,” he mumbles. Jinki frowns.

“I’m being serious, Jonghyun,” he says. “I don’t--”

“So am I,” Jonghyun says firmly. He faces Jinki fully, more serious this time. “Just because _your_ super humble insecure ass downplays yourself as much as possible literally all the time, it doesn’t mean that everyone else does.”

“I can’t downplay things I’ve never done in the first place,” Jinki huffs. He can barely _talk_ to Tae alone without making it awkward. Jonghyun just looks at him, rolls his eyes, and puts another token into the claw machine.

“Okay, let’s see,” he says. “You support him, you comfort him, you care about him.” He taps next to the claw button with every thing he lists and Jinki huffs again.

“I mean, obviously, but--”

“You respect his identity and help him figure it out.”

“Well, yeah, why would I not--”

“You helped him through a panic attack like, an hour ago.”

“I barely knew what I was doing though?”

“Literally the first time you ever met him in person you told him you would lay yourself down in between him and his parents if they tried to get to him--”

“Okay, you know that was a joke.”

“And it made him feel _safe._ ” Jonghyun says that last word heavily but Jinki doesn’t know if it was for emphasis or because he just lost again. He drops another coin in immediately and this time Jinki can’t tell if his frown is because of the machine or because of him. “You dropped everything at a moment’s notice last week--”

“Yeah, but so did--”

“--to drive ever an hour to help him escape his house--”

“Jonghyun, that’s not--”

“--which was something that can potentially get you _arrested_ if his parents are assholeish enough about it, and--”

_“I’m not the only one that did that,_ ” Jinki says loudly. Jonghyun shoots him a confused and annoyed frown at the interruption and Jinki sighs, a short huff. “All of that is just being, like, a good person,” he says. The others all do that shit too and Jinki doesn’t see Tae wanting to share a name with _them_. “What have I done _extra?_ ” he asks.

_“Extra?_ ” Jonghyun asks incredulously. “What do you mean, _extra_?” When he leans against the claw machine to frown at Jinki with his hand on his hip, his other hand presses the descend button. He doesn’t even look at its journey and Jinki sighs.

“I _mean,_ ” he says, “like. You’re his _boyfriend_ , and Key is dating him too, and Choi fucking _lives_ with him--what have I done extra?” He gestures at himself for emphasis. “What have I done _extra_ that’s not something everyone else has done?”

“You don’t need to do anything _extra,_ ” Jonghyun tells him. He looks more confused and upset than he usually is when he’s arguing with Jinki over how good or bad he is. “If Minjunggie didn’t live in that house, would they not be important?”

“What?” Jinki asks, appalled. “No, what the fuck?” Of course they’re important.

“Jinki. If they didn’t literally live with Tae, they would have less interaction with him than you do.” Jonghyun taps his hand on the counter of the machine for emphasis. He pauses; picking up the quarter under his hand, he glances at the coin slot and then shakes his head. “That would, by your definition, make them less important than you,” he says, looking back at Jinki. Jinki opens his mouth, takes a breath, lets it out with an inarticulate noise.

“That’s--different,” he says.

“How?” Jonghyun asks flatly.

“It’s--just--” Jinki huffs loudly, pushing his fingers through his hair. “He’s not gonna change his last name for _me,_ ” he says. He can see Jonghyun’s face fall from sternness into understanding, some kind of sympathy, and shakes his head. “I don’t _get_ it,” he says quietly.

“Jinki…,” Jonghyun says softly. He steps forward and puts his hand on Jinki’s knee, squeezing gently. He moves so he can lean his shoulder against the wall next to him and nuzzle his arm. “You could’ve just said that’s what this was about from the beginning,” he says. Jinki shakes his head with a sigh. He could have, yeah, but that wasn’t really the root of the issue. He turns to lean against the claw machine instead and lets Jonghyun stand between his legs, close enough to hold his waist. “Look,” Jonghyun says, and taps Jinki’s chin up to make him look. “I know that’s big, but I don’t think it’s _as big_ as you think it is,” he says. “Hi _s first_ name is the one he’s worried about, not his last.”

“No, Jonghyun, it _is_ , like.” It’s exactly as big as he thinks it is. Jonghyun leans up to give him a soft kiss, one of the ones he puts all of his comfort into, but Jinki pushes him away gently. He doesn’t need to be distracted and calmed down right now. He’s upset and he can speak loudly if he wants to. “He is literally terrified,” Jinki says, “of his parents finding him.” He waves a hand when Jonghyun opens his mouth to get him to stop. “We spent all last weekend wiping _fingerprints_ off of things so they couldn’t DNA track us down. He’s changing everything, his his number, his appearance, his name--he’s changing his name _legally_ and applying for what’s basically a watered-down witness protection thing so they can’t find him. So he can be completely hidden and never have to worry about it.

“And he still? Fugking worries about it, Jonghyun, you know he will. It’ll be ten years from now and he’ll still be worrying about it. And fuck, even mentioning _anyone’s_ parents can trigger a panic attack, let alone his, and--and suddenly, none of that fucking matters because of _me?_ ” Jonghyun’s hand reaches for his cheek but he stops it, holds it and squeezes it instead. “Suddenly wants to _keep_ his parents’ name, the one that can literally trigger him, the one that can be used to track him down and ruin his life, just because it’s the same as _mine?_

“I don’t- _-get it,_ Jonghyun, I don’t fucking _understand--what_ have I done to _deserve_ that?” The question comes out louder than he meant it to but he couldn’t help it. He’s too emotional right now and whenever he gets too emotional he starts falling apart. He squeezes Jonghyun’s hand in apology for making him wince but doesn’t let go of him or the question. “There’s no--” he starts, and then falters when Jonghyun suddenly looks away from him with wide eyes. He blinks, confused, and turns to the rest of the arcade as well. “What--oh.”

Tae’s eyes meet his, as serious as Jinki is guilty. Choi and Key are still on the other side of the arcade, leaning on the counter and turning in more tickets. They have no idea, just as Jinki had no idea that Tae was here, listening. He slowly looks back to Tae, who hasn’t moved his gaze. He opens his mouth to try to speak, to say anything, but he can’t think of anything to put into words. Another long moment pases after he gives up before Tae takes a breath.

“You’re,” he says. “All my life, just. And--but now I can.” He falters, fingers twisting with each other. “I-it’s just--” He stops and sucks in a breath, gritting his teeth and huffing at the ground. “I don’t…,” he mumbles. “I’ll change it if it bothers you.” The shake in his voice makes Jinki’s heart sink. He tries to say something again, and this time actually gets a word on his tongue, but Tae speaks over him without noticing. “Jonghyun,” he says. His breathing is picking up and Jinki’s heart plummets even lower into his stomach. “Kibummie said--said that it was getting late. And that we usually l-leave soon.” He lifts a shaky hand to run through his hair. Jonghyun steps forward to do that for him, but Tae steps back just as quickly. “I’ll--take your time,” he says, glances at Jinki, and turns and walks away quickly.

Jinki watches Jonghyun’s hand close on nothing in midair. He watches Tae walk all the way back to Key and sink into their arms. He watches Choi and Key both look over at him with confused expressions and he watches the back of Jonghyun’s head as he lifts a hand to rub his palm over his eyes. He closes his eyes, letting his head fall against the wall.

“God, I’m garbage,” he breathes.

“You’re not.” Jonghyun’s voice is small and thick, the kind it gets when he’s trying not to cry. Jinki sighs slowly. Guh.

“I am, though,” he says. “I gave him a panic attack and I made you cry and I ruined today and--”

“ _Stop_ , Jinki, fucking--” Jonghyun faces him with an annoyed huff. His eyes are watery but his frown is stern. “You didn’t, and I’m not even crying, I’m just. Almost crying. Because I’m tired and hungry and... emotional.” He sucks his hand into his sleeve to soak up a tear from his waterline before it falls.

“You’re gonna cry, though,” Jinki says. “Because you always need to once you start.”

“I know,” Jonghyun grumbles. He comes forward to stand in front of Jinki and bury his face in his chest. “So, just, shut up and let me cry on you for a minute.” His arms come around Jinki’s waist next and Jinki sighs, lifting his arms over Jonghyun’s shoulders. He gives him gentle back pats as he sniffles into his shirt.

“Just because you say I didn’t fuck up it doesn’t make it true,” he mumbles.

“I said _shh_ ,” Jonghyun replies. He squeezes Jinki closer; it intensifies the pain in his back and makes Jinki hiss and squirm. “Shit--sorry,” Jonghyun says quickly. His grip turns soft again immediately. He wiggles up to press his teary face into Jinki’s neck and kiss his skin. “I love you,” he whispers.

“Nnngh,” Jinki groans. He can never handle romance when he’s like this and the shiver and twist of unease in his stomach it gives him proves that. “Not right now,” he says.

“I platonically admire your many good qualities then,” Jonghyun mumbles. His voice carries a note of petulance before he sniffles and nuzzles closer. Jinki snorts, an empty noise of amusement. He pats Jonghyun’s back comfortingly and closes his eyes. Ugh. Now Tae thinks he’s some kind of asshole. And honestly, he’s right.

He doesn’t keep track of how long Jonghyun weeps on him, but it’s not as long as he usually takes. Only a minute or two of deep breaths and countless sniffles pass before Jonghyun pulls himself away. He swallows thickly, rummages in his bag for his jumbo travel pack of tissues, and wipes his face. Jinki reaches out to fix his bangs with a tired hand until Jonghyun pushes it away.

“You’re not garbage,” he says. His voice is quiet but firm as he looks Jinki in the eye. “You’re just… confused. And insecure. And have bad luck at timing.” He shakes his head and stuffs his tissue into his back pocket. “And you need to talk to him,” he adds. “Don’t--give me that look, Jinki,” he says when Jinki starts trying to protest. He can’t _talk_ to Tae. Not today, at least. He’ll just fuck it up more because that’s what he’s been doing this whole time. “You can’t make it any worse than it already is,” Jonghyun tells him. Jinki puffs up his lips, thrown off by how Jonghyun just _knew_ what he was thinking. He knows everyone too well.

“I don’t,” he starts, and then sighs. He can’t even come up with a good excuse that doesn’t make him sound like an asshole. “I’ve already… upset him… enough,” he tries. The attempt wilts before he even finishes under Jonghyun’s gaze.

“He’ll be even more upset if you just leave like this.”

“Ugh,” Jinki sighs. He scrunches up his face and lets his head thunk back against the claw machine. “You’re right,” he grumbles. Leaving would probably be the only way he could actually make it worse. “Fine,” he says. He doesn’t know how the fuck he’s going to go about it, but fine. Jonghyun leans in to nuzzle his neck and take a deep breath.

“How are they doing over there?” he asks. His hand squeezes Jinki’s leg gently, but Jinki shakes his head.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I don’t want to be the one to look.” He doesn’t want to get caught and have it look like he was staring. He doesn’t need anything to feel any more awkward than it already does. Jonghyun snorts and looks himself; after a moment, he signs something that Jinki doesn’t catch because of the angle. Something about the car, he thinks. Bluh.

“Come on,” Jonghyun says then. He tugs Jinki gently until he gingerly slides off of the stool. Jinki grimaces at the dull ache in his back as he stretches his shoulders. Of course this stress has made it worse. “Do you want a patch?” Jonghyun asks. He rustles in his bag and pulls out the corner of an Icy Hot patch, but Jinki shakes his head. The walk to the car isn’t more than five minutes from here.

“On the way home,” he says. Jonghyun nods and tucks it back away.

“Okay then,” he says, and tugs Jinki across the arcade. At the counter, Tae has his eyes closed with his head on Key’s shoulder, but when they approach he looks up. His eyes fall on Jonghyun and a smile ugs up his lips. When he switches to Jinki it falters, twitches back up, and is replaced by a bitten lip as he looks away. Jinki looks away awkwardly too. Fuck.

“Okay, well, anyway,” Key says. Even for someone as practised at sounding casual as they are it seems forced, but they push on anyway. “I’m ready to get home. No one else is forgetting anything?” they ask. They clap their hands in some weak show of authority with a peppy smile and it actually brings the tiniest smile to Jinki’s lips. They’re trying so hard.

He checks his pockets, his bag, Jonghyun’s bag when he can’t find some of his prizes from before, and confirms that everything he has is accounted for. Everyone else does the same and with some of the loudest bravado Jinki has ever seen, Key leads them all out of the arcade and back onto the sidewalk.

For all the way they marched outside with their arms linked with Tae and Jonghyun, it all fizzles back into just feeling weird after five steps. Jonghyun slips his arm away from Key, moves to their other side to press a soft kiss to Tae’s cheek, and then falls back a few steps to fit himself between Jinki and Choi instead. He links his arms with both of them and spends the whole time biting his lip, pouting at the back of Tae’s head and digging worried fingers into Jinki’s wrist. Jinki looks over his head to try a friendly smile at Choi; they catch his eye, give him half of a little smile in return, and look away with their own troubled frown. Jinki sighs. Everyone thinks he’s an asshole now.

Needless to say, the walk back to the parking lot is the most awkward five minutes of his life. Once he reaches his minivan he doesn’t know what to do; he wants to get in and recline the seat all the way back and lie there for the rest of eternity, but something tells him that that would be frowned upon. Jonghyun takes his arm away and gets up on his tiptoes to nuzzle his cheek.

“I’m gonna help Gwi get Tae’s stuff out of the back,” he says. “Gimme your keys?” He holds his hand out and Jinki nods, digging in his pocket for them. “Thanks,” Jonghyun says, grabbing them. “I’ll unlock the doors for you too.” He smiles softly as he boops the unlock button before walking to the trunk. Jinki watches him, then turns to find Choi heading to their own car a few spots down. He guesses they’re gonna park it next to the van, now that there’s space. Turning again, he hesitates when Tae is the next person that he sees, leaning up against the front of the van, very close to where he is.

Tae looks away quickly when he catches Jinki’s eye. He stares at the ground, bottom lip between his teeth, fingers twisting with each other. Jinki grimaces, glances at the back of the van, at Choi’s car slowly putting over the asphalt. They did this on purpose. Jonghyun unlocking the doors for him was just a ruse.

“Hey, um,” he says quietly, stepping closer to lean on the hood of his car as well.

“I’m sorry,” Tae says quickly. He looks up and his eyes are wide, guilty, sincere. “I didn’t--I didn’t think it would bother you,” he says. “I should have asked, or--”

“No, no, it didn’t… bother me,” Jinki says. The glance Tae gives him is extremely skeptical and Jinki winces. He can see why. “It just,” he says. “Confused me.” It still does.

“Yeah, um, about that,” Tae says. “When I. I overheard, um.” He waves his hand to mean what happened in the arcade and Jinki nods. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget that. “I, uh, figured out what I wanted to say that I couldn’t figure out how to say. Then.” He looks up and then back down quickly with a hand clenched at his side. Jinki looks down at his own hands for lack of a real reply.

“Um,” he says after a long silence. “Do you… wanna... tell me about it?” he asks. He looks up to see Tae still studying the ground, but he’s also taking deep breaths like he’s steadying himself for something. He waits, as patiently as he can when his whole body is dying for an explanation, until Tae finally looks up. His gaze is determined and his voice barely has any shake in it when he speaks.

“My whole life,” he says, “‘Lee’ has been something that belonged to my parents. Every time I wrote down ‘Lee Taemin’ on a paper it was like I was writing _their_ Lee Taemin. _Their_ kid, legally and inescapably. They would use it against me and tell me I had to love them because we were family. Because--” He hesitates, closes his eyes, shivers and shakes his head. Jinki plays with his fingers while Tae takes a few slow breaths before he speaks again. “Because they owned me,” he says quietly. “But with _you_.” These words come out as a breath, a sigh of relief, a glimmer of freedom in his eyes.

“With you, it’s Lee _Jinki._ Lee Jinki and Lee Taeyeon. It’s ‘ha ha, there go those Lees again.’ It’s ‘wow, those two are pretty alike, just like their names.’ It’s sharing a name with someone that _wants_ me to be _happy._ It’s something _positive._ It’s that for the first time, in my whole life, something that’s haunted me is able to make me smile instead.” Tae lifts his hands, like he wants to reach out, then clenches his fists and clasps them together instead, looking down. “With you, being a Lee is something that I want to be,” he says. He looks up and holds Jinki’s gaze for a long, slow second before looking away with a shrug. “Yeah,” he mumbles.

“I… oh,” Jinki says. It comes out of him in a whoosh of breath that he didn’t even know he was holding in. That was… a lot. “Um,” he says. He still doesn’t… get it. “I’m not,” he says. “I don’t…. Why… do you think.… Is it really so important to you that you’re… willing… to risk… making it that much easier to find you?” He understands that he’s comforting somehow, he understands the reclamation angle, he understands how it can feel nice; he doesn’t understand how any of that measures up to staying safe.

“Listen, Jinki,” Tae sighs. “I don’t know you enough to know what to say to reassure your insecurities or whatever.” He rubs his nose awkwardly as Jinki blinks. Yeah. That is also true, also a very good point. They do barely know each other. “But,” Tae says. “I know you enough to know that I _want_ to risk the danger just so I can share the name.”

“But _why_?” Jinki hisses. This has been his question the whole time and he’s still yet to find a real answer. Tae’s reply shocks him; instead of more hesitant explanations, another quiet confession, he just laughs softly. A weak but fond laugh, accompanied by a shake of the head.

“Whether you think you deserve it or not,” he says, “you have a space in my crusty little heart too. And it’s just as important as everyone else.” He lifts his hand and taps his chest once, then immediately blushes and just scratches his shoulder to try to play it off. Jinki goes with it because he’d rather not encourage the cliché heart touching play. “You’re…, Tae says. “Good. And secure. And comforting... and… one of my saviors.”

“And,” he adds, when Jinki opens his mouth to ask how that makes him special at all. He gives Jinki this look that says he _knows_ Jinki was about to ask again and isn't going to have any of it. “I don’t think… it matters, if _you personally_ don’t think you’re worth it,” he says. Jinki opens his mouth, then hesitates, confused.

“What?” he asks. That seems… off. Tae shrugs, leaning his elbow on the hood of the car.

“Whatever it is that _you_ think about yourself doesn’t affect the way _I_ think of you,” he says. “No matter what you think, I’m still going to think you’re one of the most important people in my life. Like, it’s fact. Even if you think it’s bad judgement.”

“So…,” Tae mumbles. He looks up at Jinki and bites his lip. “I think that means that it’s either… you doubting both yourself and me, or you only doubting yourself but trusting me.”

“I mean, of course I trust you,” Jinki says immediately. Of course he does. There’s no reason not to. Tae smiles a little wider at his reply.

“So trust that you’re important to me,” he says simply. “Whether you believe it or not.”

“That’s…,” Jinki says slowly. That seems simple and straightforward, yeah, but it’s not that easy at all. But still, when he looks into Taemin’s eyes, tried and sincere and open, he finds that it’s hard to not trust him.”I’ll… try,” he says.

“I can take that,” Tae says. This time, looking at his relaxed, easy expression, Jinki feels the tiniest smile coming up on his lips as well. That was good. A good talk. He thinks. He hopes? The silence stretches on between them and he wishes he knew what to do now that neither of them seem to have nothing to say.

_“Hug him,_ ” a voice hisses loudly. It’s followed by a snap and a “shh” and Jinki turns with a start to see Choi and Jonghyun quickly turning Key away. He watches the three of them try to act like they haven’t been eavesdropping with a snort. Wow. Turning back to Tae, he sees him shaking his head with his own fond little smile.

“I think maybe we should hug, for some reason,” he says casually. Tae laughs softly and gives him the most amused look, and with that, it’s like they’re almost back to normal. Almost; their hug isn’t really one of the best.

“Ooh--less tight,” Jinki hisses, wincing at the sharp reminder of his back pain. Tae hisses too, lets go, and stammers out a quick apology before stepping forward again. The second time it’s nicer, and Jinki finds himself kind of melting into it. This is nice, his arms around Tae’s shoulders and Tae’s around his waist. He never was much of a meaningful hug kind of person but he could get into this.

Until an uncomfortable amount of time passes and neither of them have let go yet. He pats Tae’s back awkwardly, not sure of when they should break apart. He doesn’t want to interrupt Tae if he’s having a super intimate bonding moment, but this is kind of starting to get weird.

“Um,” he says. Immediately he feels Tae stiffen and then he’s straightening up, just leaving his hands on Jinki’s waist with a small smile.

“Uh, yeah,” he says.

“Yeah,” Jinki says back.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah….”

_“Yeah,_ ” Jonghyun whispers, and Jinki turns to see him creeping around the car to get to them. He sidesteps Jinki to wrap Tae up in his own hug, one that looks warm and comfortable and perfectly executed by the way Tae smiles and hums into his neck. “Time to go,” Jonghyun says when he pulls back. Jinki blinks. Ahh. Yes. Of course. That’s what they were doing before that whole conversation started. Tae makes a noise that’s half realization and half pout and Jonghyun shushes him with a gentle kiss. “Next week,” he says, smiling it against Tae’s lips.

“Mmm, yeah, okay,” Tae says. He kisses Jonghyun again and then reaches for Jinki’s hand to give it a quick squeeze. “Next week,” he says.

“Next week,” Jinki confirms. Next week will definitely be better.

“Shoo,” Jonghyun says gently, patting Tae’s butt towards Choi’s car. Jinki watches fondly as he wiggles himself into the backseat. He gives Key a quick goodbye hug too, murmuring goodbyes and accepting their smug “I told you you two needed to hang out more” with a snort. He knows. They’re working on it.

Choi sighs him a genuine “nice job” before he waves goodbye, which Jinki accepts fondly. That whole thing _did_ go better than expected. Jonghyun slips up to link their arms together as Choi starts their car, waving sadly as they drive away like usual. And also like usual, he turns to nuzzle Jinki, except this time, not like usual, he tugs Jinki’s head down for a slow kiss.

“Thank you,” he says quietly when he pulls back. Jinki blinks, shrugs, looks away. He didn’t do anything that wasn’t… decent. He accepts Jonghyun’s praise anyway with a thankful smile.

When Jonghyun turns him gently around so he can put the heating patch on under his shirt before they leave, Jinki closes his eyes and thinks.

“Lee Taeyeon” kind of has a nice ring to it.


End file.
